I think that possibly could be a bit much to unload on someone at the water cooler. However, I think this is a great post. The always wise Yankee did a post about labels and how she tries to avoid attaching labels to her daughters because no one is simply the "smart one" or as you pointed out "just ___".

Kittens, pretty antique rings, Cinderella's slipper, a perfect rose, snowflakes, ladybugs...

"Good things come in small packages"

As I've mentioned before, my height has always been my biggest problem. And saying, "Good things come in small packages" truly palls. However, I'm still on the short side of normal and I know that likely Frances will grow up to be shorter than me, so I can only imagine the extent of her difficulties of being a Little Person in a world made for giants. My only assvice is to collect useful things to make her life easier.

Things I could not function without:
Stools of different heights placed in strategic places around the house (Muffin Man truly appreciates these as well)

Several good sets of tongs, I use high-end kitchen tongs, but Frances may find the kind used to shelve goods at stores to be better suited to her purposes.

Comfortable seat boosters for driving cars that don't have seats that move far enough forward for me to reach the pedals. (Several people I know also use pedal extenders, I find them to be generally too slippery). Seat boosters can be used for other seats as well.

A small friend of mine would declare herself "a dime among pennies"...

while such phrases may be cold comfort, they can also be comebacks for when Frances is older, since the real problem is how our societal expectations will affect how she is treated.

Thanks for the food for thought.

too much to unload at the water cooler? Never! While most likely comments such as she is "just small" are not meant in a mean spirited way (perhaps, like you suggest "just" acting as a sortof "um", or "huh" that is, a word to stick in there when you are not sure what to say)...still, this is about language and labels and unless we are unafraid to confront this, most especially when it comes to our children, then people will never know they are doing potential harm with the words they choose. And, if the person really is using "just" in a dismissive or somehow negative way then they really need to be unloaded upon! Good post, made me really think about how I talk about my daughter and other people's children as well!

Well, as you will see, I have a mean streak. I would be waiting, just waiting, to have the opportunity to say, "Well, he/she's just average, right?" Ooh so mean . . .mean, mean, mean (and absolutely right, too, by the way!)

You can always counter that Frances is perfect in every way. Perfection in miniature. Her stature shouldn't matter. You're absolutely right. No, I don't think it's too much to unload on someone at the watercooler, but you should also make people aware that when they say she's "just small" that you interpret that as "flawed" somehow.

Frances is beautiful. She's got an amazing vocabulary for someone her age, and if she knows letters, colors, numbers and all that -- she's ahead of some children years older than her. She's got loving parents, and is healthy. The next time says she's "just small", you should say, "Yes. And she's just perfect the way she is."

I think it's a little much for the water cooler, and I'll tell you why..

I love words, and I love thinking about the ways in which words that could be substituted for each other mean subtly different things, and this post got me thinking....

You see, I have used "just big" to describe my own kid, who looked a bit like Jabba the Hut at 6 months... and I've used "just the way he is," and I've used "Just perfect" to describe someone as well.

While I'm sure that you can tell by context and expression if the "just" in question is a "I really think small is awful, but I'm putting a brave face on it" vs. a "Hey, size doesn't matter to me in the slightest" comment -- in thinking about your statement "respond as if it didn't matter," *I* might use "she's just small."

And what that would mean is "She's simply small."

Because one of the definitions/synonyms of "Just," used in that context, is "simply." As in "Simply perfect" or "Simply beautiful" or "simply the way she is." Pure and simple. No judgement intended within.

And of course, another meaning of "Just" is "right," or "rightful." As in -- Frances is simply the right size.

I love words. I hope this doesn't offend, but I wanted to offer another perspective.

All Small indeed. I totally heart Frances, for all that she is: pretty, sweet, blue-eyed, and mini.
Like Liz, my height (5 feet even) has been a challenge. My step stool and tall friends have saved me many times.

Liz--it's not assvice. I'm not sure what we're going to do about stools. Right now I'm trying to figure out if it's really worthwhile to have a bathroom sink lowered for her, as several parents of LPs of my acquaintance have done. This is one of those times when a diagnosis would be truly invaluable. The rest of it is far enough in teh future that I can pretend I don't have to think about it (ahhhhh--relief).

parodie--see, I *love* that. To me, Frances is a dime among pennies. Or a diamond among pennies. But how many people won't see her sparkle because they're either fixated on her size, or fixated on not appearing fixated by her size?

Sarah RE--that's the thing. They're not in the least bit intending to be mean-spirited. The ones who are are the jerks who glare at me, as if I made her small by abusing her. Except that they probably believe that they are sticking up for the rights of children. But anyway. No, they're not mean-spirited. It's just that they've never encountered that situation before. Frances is exceptionally rare. I'm not surprised that people are never sure what to say, I just get so TIRED of hearing it.

Elsimom, oh, that would be fun.

Sara, no, I'm not offended at all. But I disagree. There's a world of difference--well, maybe not a whole world, a tectonic plate perhaps--between "just small" and "just perfect." In the just perfect (wonderful, marvelous, etc.) usage, "just" doesn't mean "simply" so much as "nothing but"--it's a word that indicates that there is nothing about that person (situation, book, movie, whatever) that isn't perfect (wonderful, marvelous, etc.). That usage, applied to small, wouldn't be so hot either.

If I said that someone is "just tall," wouldn't your mind begin filling in the prefix--"there's nothing wrong with him, he's ...." If I said that someone is "just slim," wouldn't your mind begin filling in the prefix? "She's not anorexic, she's ...." And it's the same with "just small." There's an unstated prefix there, "There's nothing wrong with her, she's..." or "She's not sick, she's ..." or whatever. Lots of options, but they're all negative.

I know that often when people say that, they mean to say that there's nothing wrong with being small (although the mere fact that someone feels it's necessary to point out the lack of wrongness is a red flag--no one points out the lack of wrongness in blond hair or a winning smile), but they don't. If they really believed that small size is no problem--if they were truly speaking from a place of not caring about size--it would be unremarked upon. There would be no need for "she's just small." I'd tell someone about how she knows the alphabet, and can name her colours, and loves to snuggle, and watch TV, and eats like a horse, and makes her toys kiss each other, and has blond hair with two crowns, and huge blue eyes, and is two and wears a size 9 months--and it would all get the same kind of response. I wouldn't get a "wow, really, aww, hahaha, oh my god!, aww, she's beautiful, and she's JUST SMALL." As they say--one of these things is not like the others.

This isn't, by the way, something I've known for long. When Frances was a wee baby, I used "just small" myself all the time, sort of feeling that it didn't quite fit but not really knowing why. (And I meant it as "there's nothing wrong with her, she's....") It's something that's taken two years of daily living and lots of experience (well, two years of experience) to figure out. I'm sure in two years I'll have moved a bit farther down teh path. So absolutely, I wouldn't unload it on someone at the watercooler--if it took me two yeras to figure out, why should they know? But every time I hear "just small" I hate it more and more (and I hear it a fair bit).

too much for the water cooler?.....Well, I'm thinking you may want to back off on the rusty cheese grater part. Who knows where it's been.

People aren't going to get it. The word "just" is thrown around as both a positive--just this teeny little problem, no biggie, and as a negative--just one for dinner? And the average joe isn't going to be nice and stick around for an answer because they won't know what to say. They won't know how amazing Frances is unless they meet her and see her smartness, funniness, perfection, and beauty.

So...to paraphrase YT (and Dr. Seuss), all small is a better phrase, yes, and I hope that Frances is afforded many opporunities in life and much happiness and success. It's a big mountain to climb, but she's up to the challenge. Especially with a mom like you looking out for her.

I suggest that you not lower the sink until all her classmates no longer have to use a stool to use their sinks.

Muffin Man uses stools to reach the faucets still and he's 4.

Ahem...ALMOST 4.

Less than a month....aaaaggghhh!

yes!!! this is soooo annoying. We get it often combined with "But she's healthy, right? Just small?"