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June 7, 2006 At the Park 
First, the confession: we played hooky yesterday. I know. I'm an embarassment to the modern knowledge economy. But next week I'm on training (all week) and won't get home probably until nearly 7 every night, and I was feeling a need for some preemptive Quality Frances Time. So we played hooky. And it was a beautiful day, sunny and warm and not too windy but not muggy or humid either. Just lovely. So around 10:00 we got out the stroller and packed up some snacks and went to the park through the woods. Frances rode on the swing for a while, then we went to the big-kid playground. I helped her up the stairs and clambered on after her because nothing at any park is ever built to the scale of Frances. I've said many times that we are in a sort of period of grace right now, when it comes to Frances's dwarfism or short stature or whatever the hell it is, exactly. And it's true, in that people are not yet assholes about it. Most of the time. Frances knows she is small but she doesn't know how small she really is in comparison to everyone else, and most other people seem intent on scolding me, mostly, for calling it dwarfism when she is so obviously going to catch up, you know. Which she won't, but on the basis of one or two extended-family visits a year a great many medical mysteries can be solved, apparently. Anyway. We're in a period of grace, because most people are not yet assholes, and Frances is not yet self-conscious. But playgrounds. Playgrounds scare me. A lot. Nothing, nothing, nothing is built for someone her size. OK, I know that one-year-olds (who are still bigger than she is) are typically just learning to walk, not scaling ladders and begging to go on monkey bars, and I know that the designers build these things for "bigger" kids because they figure kids who are old enough are "bigger." It's not their fault for being prejudiced dumbasses, right? They don't know any better. They figure, all two year olds come in one size, god bless them, and who am I to complain? But the gaps between the ladders are huge. Drops from platforms to the sand below are at least twice her height. Everything is out of her reach, poles and rails and monkey-bars. The drop between the bottom of a slide and the ground is huge, for her. Frances doesn't know that this isn't normal, that in fact playgrounds are supposed to be safe, places where parents can sit on the bench and watch the kids play in the secure knowledge that the worst effect of their inattention will be a skinned knee, or maybe if bad luck befalls, a broken bone. But when I see Frances careening around on top of those things, I get panic attacks. I see her lying on the ground with a broken spine, and really, it could happen. I say, "Oh I'm sorry sweetie, that's meant for bigger kids. You can play on that when you're bigger." A lot. Once a minute, at least. Her motor skills are there but her inseam is not. It stinks, but there are bigger things to be worked up about. So I follow her up the stairs, helping her to negotiate them because the steps are too big and the railings are too high up for her to grasp. Then I follow her over the bridges so I can keep her from any interestingly dangerous openings in the railings where the poles or ladders or whatever are simply too far away for her to grasp if she got too close and fell and tried to catch something on the way down. I help her up the steps that are too big for her to climb, and then I race down the nearest ladder to the bottom of the slide to catch her when she goes down because she can't go down it by herself. Everything is meant for much larger children. Sit on the bench and watch? Are you crazy? Do you think I brought her to the park to send her to her death? I am already exhausted and not in the best of moods, in other words. We don't go to the park for me. Let me put it that way. We go for Frances, because the little monkey loves it even if half of it is out of bounds. Three times over the past week or so, we've run into the same little boy at this park. He was there today. He is about a foot taller than Frances, meaning he is probably about a year older--I'd say 3 1/2. Maaaaaybe four. He has short brown hair and brown eyes. And he is a little fucking bully, and he targets Frances. He was on the big-kid playground when we got there today. When Frances wanted to go down the slide, he went down it, then climbed halfway up and sat there, grinning at her. When Frances wanted to go down some stairs, he raced by her to go down them, and then sat on the bottom one, and grinned. Frances is already at such a disadvantage on the big-kid playground because of her small size that what is already a little scary for her (and absolutely terrifying for me) becomes impossible. She can't face this kid down, he towers over her. She doesn't have the verbal skills to tell him off or the emotional maturity to understand what the hell he's doing. Where were his parents? you ask. Excellent question. I wondered that myself. So we left the big-kid playground and went to the little-kid playground. I say "little" like I actually mean it, but what I mean is "littler." It's still huge, for Frances. The stairs are still too high and the drop from the slide is still too big and there are still gaping holes in the railing where she could plummet to a lifetime of disability so I still walk up the stairs with her then race back down to either block the gaps or stand at the bottom of the slide, depending on which she seems more likely to do. There is also a red tunnel. I've mentioned it before. It is just large enough that she can walk through it without ducking (which means that no one else has ever walked through it without ducking before, and it's not likely that they will again). The tunnel is Frances's favourite part. She loves to walk through it, and stick her hands through the holes, and look through them and say "I see you, Mummy!" What do you supposed this dickwad-in-training did? Why, he left the big-kid playground and went to the little-kid playground. And he climbed up the slides when she wanted to go down, sat on the ladder she wanted to use, and went to the middle of the tunnel, sat in it, and smiled. I was, not to put too fine a point on it, livid. I mean, where the FUCK was this kid's "caregiver"? Having a martini by the community centre's pool? In what sort of twisted Darwinian social lexicon is it acceptable to tolerate this sort of behaviour in one's precious offspring? "I want to go through the tunnel!" said Frances, upset. "I know, sweetie. Go ahead." "There's a kid in it!" she wailed. She doesn't wail when it's other kids. She doesn't go through--she waits--but she doesn't wail. She recognizes this one already. "Not for long," I said, and climbed up the ladder, and started through the tunnel. He bolted, and Frances followed me, and I thought maybe the little shit had learned his lesson. No such luck. He came right through behind us--and then went back and forth, back and forth, every time Frances got close to it he'd bound at her and smile, until my beautiful little girl was in tears. I clambered up and held her, but this kid was not going to leave. And where the hell was his caregiver? Tahiti? New York? "Boy, that little boy is being very mean, isn't he?" I said. "Yeah!" cried Frances. "Never you mind. Let's go home. We'll play in the front yard, and you can hide in the forest." "I stay in the park!" "He's not going to leave us alone, kiddo. And apparently his parents think this is a-ok. We're not having fun anymore. Let's go home." "I stay in the park! I go in the tunnel!" All through her tears. We waited a few more minutes, but he still wouldn't leave, and eventually Frances said, "I want to go home." Still crying. I hope that kid grows up and his penis rots and falls off. I mean that. So we left. And on the way home, through the forest, she became excited again to see the squirrels and birds and chipmunks and flowers, but I was not only still furious, but so sad. Is that it? Is our grace period over already? She's only two and a half years old! Frances is not an aggressive person. She doesn't have chutzpah. She doesn't face down people who are mean to her. When a larger child (and let's face it, they're all larger) wants something she wants, she lets them take it. She doesn't like it, but I can tell she is intimidated by their size and feels it's easier not to fight for it. She's easy-going so most of the time she can find something else she likes almost as much and ends up relatively contented. I don't want to try to force her to become someone else, someone less sensitive or more tough, to face down the bullies. That's teaching her that the problem is her, that there's something wrong with her, that it's her responsibility to fix the assholes, and not vice versa. I won't do that. Frances is a wonderful, sweet, loving girl and if she were six inches taller it wouldn't be an issue. But I know that there are assholes who are going to see a very, very small girl who is not assertive and who is easily intimidated and who will get a rush out of pushing her around. I just didn't think it was going to start so soon. She's only two and a half. She's only two and a half and already there are assholes who see someone younger and much, much smaller than themselves and decide to get their entertainment out of making her cry. And I knew it was going to happen, but I thought she would be older, more verbal, a little bigger, more able to understand what was going on and draw attention to it or ask for help or make her own demands, or at least have some playground allies to intimidate others on her behalf. But no. It's starting now and neither of us are ready. This might seem like a big conspiracy to draw out of flimsy data, but all three times this has happened with this kid there have been lots of other kids at the playground, several of them smaller than the dickwad-in-training but all of them much larger than Frances, and many of them obviously younger than Frances too. He does not run after the other toddlers, sit on the toys they want to use and smile when they cry. Only her. And it's constant, from the moment he notices her until we leave. Where is his caregiver? Does he have one? Is he a feral child, making a grim living out of the mostly-poisonous berries in the local woodlot? Maybe. It would explain a lot. We salvaged our day. We went to the other park (we are fortunate to have two within walking distance) and while it too was overrun with kids, the children there were civilized and had caregivers present and attentive to playground dynamics, so that all children took their turns and played nicely with each other. And we went back to the baseline playground condition of mama-terror and Frances-delight. Then we went home and she hid in the 'forest' and ran in circles laughing all the while. Sure she's trampled any seedlings that had a hope of surviving my (ahem) benign neglect, but it's worth it. She is so delightful, such a joy, so sweet and kind and fun to everyone who knows her. It kills me to know that there are people who will see her only as a target. It kills me more to know that I can't be there when it happens every time, and that as she gets older, she will be more and more on her own with this. Most of all, it kills me to know that it is starting now, and that as a result she might not ever remember a time in her life when this was not how some people related to her. And now I want to kill someone. ~~~~~ And in the "Those Idiots are SO MISSING OUT" file: Last night when Erik got home from work, I related to him some conversations Frances and I had while she was hiding in the "So Frances said, 'I can see you!' I said, 'I can't see you! Where are you?' And Frances said, 'I'm hiding.' So, 'Where are you hiding?' I asked, and she said, 'I don't know!'" Erik laughed, and Frances turned to him and said, "Is that funny?" Posted by Andrea at June 7, 2006 7:23 AM under Being Small EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments Oh my. *hugs* to you all! I'm not writing this to minimize your anguish and concerns... just to share our experience and empathize a little. To let you know you're not completely alone. Our daughter is not as small as Frances sounds, but she's definitely on the lower end of the growth chart. She's almost two and the park equipment isn't terribly safe for her either, although she hasn't figured that out yet. I too, climb up the slides with her and more often than not go down the slides too with her. (Let me tell you that the plastic curvey ones do a number on my hip because they definitely aren't built for someone of my height -- and I don't get to say that very often.) I hoist her up the steps and over the platforms she can't negotiate on her own. And I panic a little every time she finds a high pearch to explore where I can't follow. (Making me doubt the wisdom of putting a swing-slide combo in our backyard.) In playgroup the bigger and older kids see her as an easy mark. They take things from her and push her around in the bike area. Mostly the other parents, if they are paying attention, turn a blind eye. She looks to me, eyes pleading for help, and sometimes I'll stand up for her. I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes I'll just try to redirect her. The politics of disciplining someone else's offspring are still a little daunting to me. For Frances, I hope that she'll continue to find people like the "bully" at her daycare who took her under her wing. I know that with time you'll find the right things to say to teach her and guide her and encourage her self-confidence while protecting her safety. And I hope you blog about it, because I could use some guidance too! Posted by: Miche at June 7, 2006 7:41 AM
Actually, some of these problems might happen regardless of size. You've seen Josie - at just over two she's the size of some three and four year olds. They expect her to interact with them at a more mature level due to her size, but it's not happening. More than ever, even though she's quite verbal and has some physical prowess, I have to remember that emotionally she's really only twoish. And she also gets bullied and pushed past because *gasp* I've taught her manners and she uses them. I often end up speaking directly to the kids - saying things like "You need to be more considerate of others" which doesn't make me popluar with the other parents, but keeps me from going home feeling frustrated. Posted by: Marla Good at June 7, 2006 8:36 AM
Though I can't relate to Frances size, I can relate to feeling frustrated at playgrounds where parents let their "big" kids run amok and terrorize the littler ones. This weekend we were at an outlet shopping "centre" (though it's set up more like a village-type thing) and there's a great fenced-in play area there for the kids. There's a big playset that is clearly marked ages 5-12 and a smaller playset marked 4 and under. The smaller playset is a little tree house set-up, on the ground with a few bead rollercoasters and things inside. It's clearly aimed at the toddlers. The big playset has a huge slide, rock climbing wall and a high platform/play house thing. Again, it's pretty clearly for the older kids. Lucas was dutifully playing in the tree house while Haven monkeyed around on the big playset. A few minutes into our rest a group of 3 or 4 "big" kids came by. They were, maybe, 10-12 years old and obviously bigger than most of the kids even on the large playset. I could hardly believe that they were going to play in the little area at all. And wouldn't you know it, they didn't go play on the large set at all, by went straight to the little tree house and pushed the little kids out. they all sat in on the floor, with their knees up under their chins and backs curved. It's not big enough for them to be comfortable. Still, there they sat, while the other kids started to whine and cry (after all they were mostly 18 months-3 year olds). I wanted to say something but Chris was there and he just went in and got the kids out and we continued with our shopping. I get so frustrated by this sort of thing. I mean, they were big kids who were walking all around on their own. I'm sure their parents didn't know where they were, and probably assumed they'd be looking in all the stores or hanging out in the food building or something. I was also angered by the fact that no one feels like they can safely say something to these kids. To take them to task for what they were doing. I know that if Chris hadn't been there to "cool me off" I wouldn't have thought twice about telling them to get out and grow up. Of course, some day I'm sure my temper will get me in trouble. Posted by: Kim at June 7, 2006 10:30 AM
Andrea, someday when we are in Toronto (my husband's company is based in Mississauga), our girls are going to have to meet one another, because I think they are soul sisters. I haven't been able to comment much about it, but I promise you they are. Our situation is similar, though not just based on size. All the mean kids have to do to Peanut is snatch things out of her hands and run away, and she can't do anything about it. To see her face fall when she wants to chase get the toy back and realizes she can't, gives me urges so murderous if people knew they'd lock me up. I was always the kid on the playground who stood up to bullies, who wasn't afraid to get hit, and that instinct hasn't left me. Thank God the little bullies around my daughter have had parents there who do not approve, and I haven't been faced with actually speaking to the kid myself, because when the time comes it won't be pretty. Posted by: Carrie at June 7, 2006 10:44 AM
I would walk around the park, asking every adult I saw if he belonged to them. I would find his parent/nanny whatever.. and kick their butts. Posted by: Eryn at June 7, 2006 11:03 AM
Miche, exactly. I feel so uncomfortable telling this kid what to do when I don't even know who is responsible for him, let alone have a chance to talk to them first or even make eye contact. And yeah, I'm sure I'll be blogging about it. I was really hoping though to have another six months or a year before it became topical. Marla, I know. It would happen some regardless of how big she is. But it's not the odd push or shove--this kid targets her and follows her around the playgorund harassing her until Frances gets so upset she just wants to go home. I mean, as much as I hated it when she was crying and saying "I want to go through the tunnel!" the sheer rage I felt at that little prick when she said "I want to go home" was just overwhelming. He destroyed her fun outing. And why? Because it's fun to make little kids cry! I seriously, at that moment, wanted to poke out his eyes and fling him from the top of a parapet by his hair to a horde of starving wolves. And his caregiver, whoever htat was, would not have fared much better. The way he scooted off when a child even three inches bigger than Frances came along, and let that child play in peace on the same equipment Frances wanted, and then as soon as that kid left--bam! He was back, and grinning at Frances's distress. For the entire 20-30 minutes we tried to play there. He actually targeted her. He wasn't just generically rude. I didn't even know that kids that young were cognitively capable of being that mean. Kim, I would have been angry too. Carrie, your husband's company is located in Mississauga and we haven't already met? This needs to be rectified. Eryn, it came close. Posted by: Andrea at June 7, 2006 11:32 AM
You have to tell this little sh** off! I am so mad on you and frances' accounts. At least get down to his level and look him in the eye and give him the old stink-eye. Posted by: marianne at June 7, 2006 11:56 AM
That little brat sounds like a sociopath in the making, and I am SO mad for you. I agree with Marla that this isn't an unusual occurence at the playground, but how DARE he target beautiful Frances and ruin her fun. Andrea, you are SO well-spoken. Seriously, have you thought about finding his care-giver next time it happens and saying something in your excellent, articulate way? Honestly, I hope that you get the opportunity to say something. It sounds like Frances had a wonderful day all in all, and I am so sorry you and she are experiencing this. Posted by: Katie at June 7, 2006 1:00 PM
Aw, poor Frances. And poor you. Nothing gets my blood boiling quite like bullying behaviour. I'm glad that you got to play in the "forest" when you got home. Posted by: Sue at June 7, 2006 1:05 PM
I think your daughter is beautiful no matter what size she is and her personality is awesome -- that will take her farther then you can imagine. I know that I have not experienced anything near what you have, but my daughter started out great but dropped to the 3rd percentile by 8 months. She is now 16 1/2 months and about a week ago someone came over to us at a fair and said oh how old is she, 9 months? We get a lot of that... Posted by: arline at June 7, 2006 1:59 PM
Andrea, his company is in ON, but we are in Madison, Wisconsin (his territory is the US and Canadian Midwest). Once a year, in December, they fly us up there so the employees can go to meetings and spouses to the spa and all of us can watch the founder get drunk and make rude jokes at the final party. So perhaps, in between cookie bakings this December, we can rectify things, because I would love to meet both you and your adorable daughter :-) Posted by: Carrie at June 7, 2006 2:18 PM
Andrea, I am horribly sad on your behalf, and Frances'. If pointed comments that he could hear didn't work, he needs some adult attention. We had a bad experience with a girl the same size as SG at a playground near my Mom's once. (Luckily little chance of a repeat, since it is far away.) After following us around, grabbing whatever toy SG wanted, and generally making things difficult while we searched the benches trying to guess which newspaper-reading parent was hers, we moved all the way to the other side of the large playground. She came over a few minutes later with a popsicle to tell SG very purposefully "I've got a popsicle and you don't!" I believe I managed a shocked "That's not a nice thing to tell someone!" but I may have just sputtered. I could only rationalize it to myself by thinking the girl must have difficult family life, because we are all born innocent, and how could a child get that mean without some grown-up help? Posted by: Madeleine at June 7, 2006 3:22 PM
Reading this dredges up all the stuff I remember from my own childhood. I know that any time anyone stood up for me back then, I was so grateful. Whenever I hear of this sort of thing, I just want to charge into the situation and do what I would have loved to have done to my own bullies decades ago. I'm never surprised by cruelty among children--just *bleeping* mad that it exists. I'd suggest asking him to point out his parent(s) to you, so you can go speak with them about what he's doing to Frances, since nowadays it's so terribly difficult for any adult to tell-off someone else's child. He needs intervention, now, before his behaviour becomes completely inflexible. He will find other kids, like Frances and my younger self, if he continues to develop this sort of habit. The world needs less bullies, not more. I remember all too well how harsh children are to one another. I'm sorry it has started so young for Frances. Hugs and plenty of understanding, from me to both of you! Posted by: Christine at June 7, 2006 3:50 PM
Did my long long post get eaten? I was mad mad mad for Frances and for you, and probably went on too long. But I also had some ideas re the climbing, so I'd hate for them to be lost to the ether. Posted by: Genevieve at June 7, 2006 4:51 PM
Genevieve, it did! I'm so sorry. I don't have any record of any other comment from you today. Carrie, you're on! Christine and Madeleine, thanks. Posted by: Andrea at June 7, 2006 5:32 PM
I ditto the hold his feet to the fire comments. And the find his caretaker comments. The fact that he's singling Frances out is setting off warning bells for me. The fact that he's taking pleasure in hurting her specifically and not just playing king of the playground is deeply disturbing. Posted by: liz at June 7, 2006 9:12 PM
I'm sorry about that kid. Kids can be so cruel. I'm visually impaired, and got made fun of a lot when I was a kid. I still deal with discrimination, and although it isn't fair, I've learned to adapt. It's not easy, but Francis will grow from these experiences. I think she's very lucky to have a mom who will help her navigate not only the big physical obstacles, but the emotional ones as well! Posted by: Nickie at June 7, 2006 9:16 PM
I was going to stick up a bit for this kid -- I mean, he's only 3 years old, maybe he was really trying to play with Frances but was poorly socialized and didn't understand how -- until I read that he just stared her down while she cried. Hard to imagine that. I am shocked that there was no caregiver in attendance. I haven't felt comfortable giving my son free reign at the park until this summer, when he's four -- and he's big and physically very capable. Mostly I don't sit on the bench because of the interactions w/ other kids. Blake is great but he's still little, he doesn't always behave as he should. So I need to be there to facilitate. And really, I'm shocked that a caregiver would leave a kid like that to his own devices! Don't worry. She's still in a grace period. Sounds like this kid would behave poorly toward *anyone.* Posted by: Jennifer at June 7, 2006 9:55 PM
Man, this kid sounds like such a brat! There was a little girl kind of like this that would go to the indoor playtime I used to take my little boy I nanny for. She would run around wildly, taking things from kids and making them cry, and pushing them away if they came near to her to try to get whatever it was back. She wasn't specifically targeting anyone, though. That would have made me absolutely livid. Especially someone so sweet! How dare he? In my situation, I asked her what her name was, then after she told me, said firmly, "Megan, my friend Max is playing with that right now, and you may not take it away from him. Go find something else to play with." She got mad and said something like, "But I don't waaaaaaant to!" and I said, "That's too bad - every kid gets to play with the toys here, and you have to take turns too." She ended up setting up some other toys and inviting us to play with them with her, and it was fun, though I still was pretty watchful the whole time. Her Dad was over in the corner typing on a laptop through all this, and didn't hear a word. Really, I think you can talk to just about any kid without worrying too much about what their parent/caregiver will say. If he gets upset and goes running to whomever brought him there, good. Maybe they'll pay more attention next time! Posted by: Abbey at June 7, 2006 11:11 PM
Some little brat once told my husband that his parents weren't at the playground (e.g. implying that T therefore couldn't make him follow the rules) and Tony just said in a very quiet voice "and you think that makes things *better* for you?" Posted by: Elizabeth at June 7, 2006 11:18 PM
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote in this post. My daughter will be 3 next month, but she is much smaller than her peers. I think she's pretty close to Francis' size. She also is mild-mannered and I worry about kids picking on her. I've seen other kids grab toys away from her and she is ok with that, she just lets them have it and goes to find another toy. So while most parents are trying to teach their kids to share, take turns, not grab toys etc at this age, I'm trying to teach mine to be a little more possesive! Kayla has a little difficulty going down the steps at the playround as they are so far apart and her little legs don't reach. She has learned to go down sideways though and that seems to help some! Posted by: Michelle at June 8, 2006 9:23 AM
I wanted to add that when my son was 1-2, he also let other kids have his toys. He never seemed to mind, he'd just go find something else. And I worried about it, esp. when this one particular little girl would take toy after toy after toy from him (my friend's little girl, not a bully, just way, way possessive at that age) until finally he would break down and cry. Anyway, that started to change when he was about 3. And now it's gone the other way, so that when my neighbor's 2-year-old boy tries to take one of his toys, my son knocks the boy over! Posted by: Jennifer at June 8, 2006 11:35 AM
{Hugs} for your Fabulous Frances. Andrea, your "Blog Etiquette" really struck me, and I hope you can adapt those House Rules into Playground Rules. I am guessing even the caregiver doesn't want to be near the asshole. Posted by: moonrose at June 8, 2006 7:30 PM
Andrea, A few years ago, we were at a playground when some kids starting throwing rocks in the general area where Annika was playing. Not pebbles, but rocks. I waited just a bit to see if a parent was going to step forward to stop this, and none did. So I stepped in and told them to stop it or take it somewhere waaaaaay away from the other playing kids. They basically said, "You're not my mom." So I took the rock straight out of his hand. I got a bit of crap for dariing to touch that kid, as a bit of a substitute parent, I guess. But I really really hope that if Annika is ever doing something mean or inappropriate and I'm not aware of it, then someone will step in for me. If it happens that I think the other parent is wrong, then I'll talk to Annika about it. But I think it's OK for us to expect that we can educate other children. Not hit them. Not punish them. But tell them that what they're doing is not OK. And, especially, stop them if they're being dangerous (and I mean physically, as well as emotionally). (And, yes, I know that this is a sort of slippery slope and means that we have to trust that all parents have the same sorts of values and parenting approaches that we do and that's just not realistic, but we all know that if a kid is crying that something is really not right, right?) Posted by: moreena at June 8, 2006 10:17 PM
I just re-read my comment and realized that I sound a bit like Crazy Mommy. I guess I just worry that if I don't know what Annika is doing all the time, then she will someday be the big meanie. Which is so silly, because, if anything, she is likely to be the one picked on. And I really do, of course, try to teach her about kindness and respect. But I sometimes wish it were more allowed for other adults to be more parent-like with other children (within reason, of course, which is what I meant by the 'no punishing' bit). It would certainly take some of the burden off, especially when what you most desperately want is a chat with another mom while your kid goes out to navigate the word solo just a tiny bit. Posted by: moreena at June 8, 2006 11:55 PM
Moreena, you're right--and I think a lot of what has me so shocked and upset about the whole thing (or did) is that I was just so totally unprepared. I wasn't expecting it to start this young, so I just didn't have any kind of strategy. Obviously, I need one. The first time we ran into this kid, I wrote it off--I was a bit ticked, but figured a) it could be an off-day and b) it was just one time. The second time, I thought, "what are the chances?" It's only now that we've run into the same kid three times and each time he's done the same thing, and only to Frances, that it really has my back up. But yes, obviously, next time I need to be more active in the whole thing. Posted by: Andrea at June 9, 2006 9:35 AM
Well, I would've and I HAVE given that kid a piece of my mind. You know why? Because 9 times out of ten the parents come running then and then I give THEM a piece of my mind...endless times I had to do this for my son because he was non verbal until he was three. There comes a point where political correctness just doesn't work for me anymore and that's when I give it. THe boy that tortured my son...his name is Damian. A-propos n'est pas? K. Posted by: Kris at June 9, 2006 9:20 PM
That's why I let my husband take the girls to the park. I can't hack that crap. I can't hack other parents not giving a crap, because if my kids even look like they're going to be jerks, they get brought up on that right quick. Find the parents. Have a little chat. Kids usually don't know any better, and some seem to almost default to "evil". It sucks that some parents are such asshats. Posted by: thordora at June 10, 2006 11:56 AM
Kris & thordora--thank you! I'm assuming you've come from the slumber party, so welcome, too. You're both right. I should have done something. And next time, I will. I'm not sure what yet, but obviously status quo is not cutting it. Posted by: Andrea at June 10, 2006 12:59 PM
(((((Frances and Andrea))))) I agree with the advice about talking directly to the kid. Rarely will a little kid do anything but back down when a grownup confront them (at excludes that kid's parents, because, well, you've had parents, so you know :-) ) Even older kids. I was at a high school musical a few weeks ago and there were some teenagers being highly inappropriate and at intermission I said to them that they either needed to leave or quit talking. They were totaly intimidated. I suspect that this boy would *forever* leave Frances (a name I love, btw) alone if you told him that he needed to shape up. He probably would pick on someone else, because he seems troubled, but Frances would be safe. And, really, what more can you do?? I know there is a fine line between protecting your child and parenting anothers, but in this case, you have every right. (((((hugs again.))))) Best! Posted by: Margaret at June 10, 2006 5:46 PM
I totally missed "Frances" in a concious way. That's one of my second borns middle names. LOVE IT! And who am I kidding. I wouldn't say bubkiss. Thanks for letting us "sleep over!" :P Posted by: thordora at June 11, 2006 11:36 AM
Sorry my comment from before got eaten, Andrea - the parts that were practically-minded suggested some climbing equipment for home (not to avoid the playground because of the nasty rotten kid, but because of the size of the playground equipment and your concerns). Little Tikes and Step 2 both make some toddler climbers (little tikes is a "toddler cube" and step 2's is a "kangaroo climber). They're generally available on ebay (and I think the Step 2 climber is available new). They're much smaller than typical "small" playground equipment and we used them for our monkey boy who was trying to climb everything at 1 1/2. I had included some links on the original post - if you have trouble finding them and would like search assistance, let me know b/c I am familiar with the keywords you need. Also, Little Tikes made a "peek-a-boo tunnel" which Frances might like. It's not very long, though, but she might enjoy it since she likes to go in and see you through the hole. But the cube / climber would probably have play value for a longer time. Posted by: Genevieve at June 12, 2006 3:17 PM
I'd squash him. Mean li'l bugger. Maybe Frances should start wearing pointy shoes and practicing her shin-kicking skills. I don't even have kids yet, and I'm already unpopular with some of the neighboring children. I am SO horrible to them. I make them pick up their trash when they throw it on my lawn, and I ask them to please be careful when they're riding their skateboards in the street and swerving in front of cars. Yup. I'm awful. (I am more popular with some of the other kids, though, because I coax my cats outside to say hello and I will put down my knitting to help rescue a ladybug from a puddle.) Posted by: uccellina at June 12, 2006 5:23 PM
Genevieve, thanks for the recommendations. I will definitely have to keep my eyes open for them. And thanks for reposting it, too. :) uccellina, good for you. Luckily for me the only critters who put trash on laws around here are raccoons, so I don't have to worry about that particular minefield. Posted by: Andrea at June 12, 2006 6:02 PM
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