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June 22, 2006 Thank You 
Thank you for all of the comments on my last post. And a note to reassure you that I am not lost in a pit of despair--or at least, not about that. I'm trying very hard not to think about going back to work on Tuesday. I am not too keen on spending my precious, fleeting, far-too-short vacation time on the computer, but while I sit here and listen to Frances sing herself to sleep over the monitor and print off some photos for a scrapping evening tomorrow, I want to say thank you. Thank you for not telling me I'm an immature judgemental ass who should really just get over herself. I wonder if part of it is wondering whether or not they feel sorry for me, or for her. For Poor Frances, who has some undiagnosed genetic condition that makes her very very small and seems determined to keep her fontanelle open for life; for Poor Andrea, who sometimes has to deal with the people who think conformity is a positive life goal and that "broadening one's outlook" is some kind of hippie conspiracy meant to overthrow democracy. The kind of people who, when they ask how old Frances is and I tell them, say "Oh" and look at us with pity in their eyes. And I tell you what, that drives me crazy. Frances is going to have to deal with plenty of shit in her life, no doubt, though so far it has made blessed few inroads and she remains the happiest person I know. But no one damned well better feel sorry for me. How could they?
So I have no idea why her six-month-size shorts are falling off of her, and neither do the finest medical minds of Canada. Look at that ponytail! Look at that back! Look how determined she was to be a Big Girl, and climb the stairs properly by herself, holding the handrails and jacking her little legs up as far as they could go to make the next step.
Look at how she crouches down to see the baby goose. It was all we could do to keep her from rushing them. And the ducks, the baby duck, the swans; the squirrels in our backyard, who are getting used to her enough that when she runs at them they simply stand very still and wait for a peanut, and the chipmunk, who runs away; the doves, who let her get within two feet before taking off for the fence, and the goldfinches and chickadees and woodpeckers and blue jays and cardinals and grackles who sensibly keep their distance but thank her very kindly for the food; and the frogs, another one of which we found in the backyard today and caught today. Frances interpreted my suggestion to give it a gentle pet by bonking it on the head, poor thing, and when we let it go she chased it until it finally found a chink under the fence by which to escape. She adores animals, all animals, little icky crawly animals and big strange furry animals equally. Her best friend, NB from next door, adores her; yesterday when he got home from daycare he almost ripped the shutters off of their back door to get outside to see her. When he sees her he cries, "It's Frances! It's Frances! It's Frances!" until they get to play together (and she feels the same way about him). Whenever his parents tell him it's time to go home, he throws a proper tantrum. The only thing that will get him to relent is if Frances comes along.
My little professional gardener who loves her watering can and who has yet to rip up a single one of her flowers.
My little beauty.
Who loves to go on "little trips" including for groceries or to get the mail. Whose pinky finger is just slightly longer than the first joint of my index finger. Who asks me, when she puts her puzzles together, "Do you think this goes there, Mummy?" and then answers herself: "Yeah, I think it does!" Who wraps her arms around my right arm to hug the mole and then lifts her feet off the ground so I am forced to carry her. Who cries a little when I comb her hair and asks with a quavering voice, "Is that a tangly, Mummy?" "I know, baby," I say, "I'm being as gentle as I can." And then she goes to comb Dora's hair and tells her, "I'm being as gentle as I can. Ooh, a tangly!" Who, when we ask her how many zookies or raspberries she wants, says, "I want FIVE!" and holds up a hand of five tiny pudgy fingers. Who, when sometimes she doesn't want to eat and Erik keeps asking her what she wants and giving her different things all of which she refuses, and he gets frustrated and upset and Frances sees this and it breaks her little heart, so she says in a teary voice to him, "That makes you happy, Daddy," because she hates to make him sad. Who tells us how she's feeling: "I'm happy," or "I'm sad," or "I'm crying." Who doesn't like to go outside without wearing her hat and who reminds me that her ponytail goes through the hole. Who has anthropomorphized the sun and tells us whenever he is waking up or going to bed. Now if they could develop an ultrasound machine that could see any one of those things in utero, that would be useful. But what we have is a medical technology that can only tell you about parts of the book's cover, and then asks you whether or not it's worth reading. I won the baby jackpot; anyone who can't see that truly has no eyes to see with. Here is your thank you. No photos of her face, thanks to the Jackass Who Shall Never More be Named; and no photos of me, since they all inexplicably feature either my stomach flab being compressed between Frances's knee and the top of my shorts into an unflattering and unlikely roll or my underwear showing from the back, and that would hardly be a thanks, would it? OK. One, just one, photo of her face.
I'll be spending my time between now and Tuesday looking at this, and don't expect to be able to post until then. Thanks again. Posted by Andrea at June 22, 2006 10:16 PM under Beanie Baby Brags EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments This post is beautiful because of your sweet girl and your sweet words :-) My eyes are tearful and my heart is overflowing. Posted by: graymama at June 22, 2006 11:11 PM
Immature? Judgmental? Ass? The Heavens should weep if anyone is inclined to judge you for venting in your personal/public space. It's official: All of Nature loves Frances! I imagine people feel sorry for you because they think Frances's height or any variation from standard is a burden on you. You may be blamed, and it's down to you to help her navigate the oversized world. One would have to look past Frances, into a heart full of ugliness, in order to find her wanting. You are right, they do not have eyes to see if they are looking at her and don't see that she is the embodiment of joy. Posted by: moonrose at June 22, 2006 11:32 PM
She is beautiful. That picture of her watering her flowers is killing me with the cuteness. FYI: Ivy often asks to look at pictures of Frances, so if it seems we check in here a lot, now you know why. "Who dis? Iss Banz-ss!" Posted by: Casey at June 23, 2006 6:37 AM
Beautful post, beautiful photos, beautiful girl, beautiful mom! Thanks you for sharing! Posted by: Miche at June 23, 2006 7:11 AM
I am actually crying. That was an unbelievably beautiful entry and, in my usual selfish way, made me think about....me. It made me think about all the uncertainty that is having a child-- biological or adopted-- and about the one certainty that I will love him/her with all my heart. As you love Frances. And as we all love her through your beautiful writing. She is a gorgeous girl and you are a lucky mom. Posted by: Meredith at June 23, 2006 7:19 AM
What a wonderful entry! Thank you for sharing so many beautiful pictures of Frances. A special thank you for showing us her sweet face! Posted by: Christy at June 23, 2006 8:10 AM
She's getting so "grown-up" already! Haven said "Is that baby Frances? She's not a baby anymore!" Squeeze her for us. Posted by: Kim at June 23, 2006 8:58 AM
I can't believe what a big girl she is becomming!!! Oh my goodness!! She has totally outgrown her "babyness"!! She looks so mature! You are doing a wonderful job with your special little girl! Posted by: Katie Ricks at June 23, 2006 9:32 AM
she is such a beautiful girl. you're very lucky to have her as she is to have you... Posted by: suze at June 23, 2006 10:18 AM
GREAT post. LOVE looking at and hearing about Frances. She has a FANTASTIC wardrobe, too, Andrea. She is absolutely beautiful, and you did win the baby lottery. Posted by: Katie at June 23, 2006 10:19 AM
*wiping tears off face* That was beautiful. Frances is beautiful. You are beautiful. I thank the stars for people like you to help us REAL folks see REAL beauty through your words. (I especially love love love that shot with her wattering the flowers, I can see her little toes. I'm a sucker for feet and toes, just way too much cute in one day!) Thank YOU for posting this with us. Posted by: LauraJ at June 23, 2006 11:37 AM
I will forgive you for not posting a photo of her cute toes ... but only if you post one soon. Seriously, Frances has the most adorable, edible toes I've ever seen. :-) This post made me smile. Thanks. Posted by: APL at June 23, 2006 11:37 AM
Must. Not. Cry. At. Work. What a beautiful, beautiful post. And what a beautiful, beautiful Frances. Posted by: art-sweet at June 23, 2006 12:35 PM
Frances looks like a gloriously happy child and really quite cute. Looks like you've done a great job raising her, Andrea. (And I second what someone else said: a terrific wardrobe.) Posted by: Lyrehca at June 23, 2006 12:57 PM
Frances is a miracle. She is beautiful, sweet, smart, and is lucky as hell to have you as her mother. People who choose the coward's way like your brother(and like me) are only missing something as marvelous as Frances. I can only say that it is your brother's loss. I only feel pity that he deprived himself of a Frances. And what a monumental loss that is for him. I'm also sorry that some jerk has made you feel like you can't post pictures of your sweet girl here. Posted by: KLee at June 23, 2006 4:09 PM
awww she is so beautiful. Im sitting here in tears after reading your post. I can tell you are very proud of your baby girl, and right you should. she is one special gal who has her mommy and daddy all wrapped up. (hugs) Posted by: Tanya at June 23, 2006 5:27 PM
*sniff* Oh my goodness, what a beautiful post. What a beautiful girl and what a wonderful momma you are! We were at our doc's office this week and a little girl came off the elevator who looked a bit like Frances (though clearly not as sweet). I said to my husband after she and her mom were out of earshot "That girl looked a bit like Frances didn't she?" To which hubby replied, "Sorry, who?" I showed him some Frances pics when we got home and he saw the resemblance too. Enjoy your weekend, and thanks for the Frances-fix!! Posted by: Sue at June 23, 2006 6:04 PM
She really is quite adorable. Her grin goes on forever. And that was a lovely post. I'm not really sure what to think about your brother. It's very sad that he and his wife can't accept the child they were going to have. I could not have made that decision. Posted by: julia at June 23, 2006 6:11 PM
I read lots of blogs. LOTS. Never before have I been so moved as I was while reading this entry. Your analogy about the book cover not giving a clue as to whether or not the book is worth reading was masterful. A beautiful, beautiful post. And a beautiful, beautiful child. Posted by: Gina at June 23, 2006 8:24 PM
You rock, Andrea, and so does Frances. Who is getting SO BIG!!! Look at how mature she looks in that last photo....WBBEBN, for sure. Although she's no baby anymore. This is a tremendous piece, and I love the strength and the love and the power you convey. And I love seeing from all your other stories how much Frances sees that all, too. Posted by: Susan at June 23, 2006 8:25 PM
No matter to me what size her clothes are, she is definitely growing up. She looks so much older, confident, beautiful....stunningly beautiful. You have a wonderful young lady there, and she has one terrific mother. Posted by: nancy at June 23, 2006 9:14 PM
I have been reading for a while, but must have missed the post on why you don't post Frances's photos anymore. I am guessing theason must be negative, and for that I am sorry. However, these photos are just the epitome of pure sweetness. That back! That little halter top on that back! You are blessed...we all are. Way to go for saying what many of us think. You are a gifted writer! Posted by: Nikki at June 24, 2006 12:19 AM
Man, Andrea, she is just stunning. Thank you for the fix. Posted by: Jane Dark at June 24, 2006 1:39 PM
I have to second Gina. What an amazing and heartfelt post. And I'll say it again, you're daughter is gorgeous. Posted by: Kristin at June 24, 2006 4:09 PM
Ah, Andrea. I missed your last post when it originally went up. And, I'm so sorry. What a lot of conflicting and difficult emotions. But, as usual, you've hit upon the bit that really matters. Frances is just a lovely little spirit. And I mean, "little" in the affectionate, here, you know, not as a matter of size. Posted by: moreena at June 24, 2006 9:36 PM
Thank you! Katie et al--I can only be blamed for her hat and her striped t-shirt. The rest were either hand-me-downs or gifts, or stuff from last summer that still fits (including the six-month shorts). Definitely the slow growth has meant good things for her wardrobe. Posted by: Andrea at June 25, 2006 8:53 PM
I like the animal pics and stories the best. She sounds like a real character. ^_^ Posted by: chosha at June 26, 2006 7:45 AM
I didn't want to read the other posts and be tainted by their responses. I love your blog and look forward to each story. This one was WONDERFUL and so well summarizes how I feel about my own daughter. People say such stranges things and I find myself defending her appearance (she's quite small). But the incredible beauty that is my own daughter is much of what you describe. I cannot imagine life without the sunshine she has brought to it. I do not pity you in the least because when I first found this site your statement: half the size, twice the fun told me exactly how you feel about it. You and Erik and Frances and all truly blessed to have each other. As far as your analogy of the ultrasound/book cover -- HOW RIGHT YOU ARE! I knew I would love my daughter no matter what she looked like... Posted by: arline at June 26, 2006 8:10 AM
What a darling! I can't believe how grown-up she is --- and how lucky. Posted by: victoria at June 26, 2006 2:49 PM
I'm sorry that I missed the original post. This post is a beautiful tribute to your daughter. I can't believe how grown up she looks! Posted by: Jen at June 26, 2006 7:48 PM
She is so beautiful. When I had this post up for the first time (yesterday), my son asked, "Who's that?" "Her name is Frances," I said. "Can we play with her today?" Whereupon I had to explain that I didn't actually know Frances and that she lived very far away from us. "You do too know her!" was his indignant reply. Thanks to you, Andrea, I guess I do, a little bit at least. Posted by: Suzanne at June 26, 2006 8:06 PM
Andrea, I know I'm extremely late to this post, but I had to comment-- Stunningly beautiful-- both the entry and your daughter. While your moving tribute to Frances brought tears, her photos prompted both smiles and an overwhelming urge to strike the "Jackass Who Shall Never More be Named." Posted by: Sandra Miller at July 1, 2006 10:50 AM
You are an amazing woman and so is your daughter!! I can't add anymore words that the previous posters haven't already said! You continue to raise her they way you are and she will flurish and live!!!! Man I miss you guys!!! Posted by: Dawn at August 10, 2006 1:25 PM
Late to the party, I know. Came here from Troll Baby, and was drawn in by your writing, so I stayed awhile. Your little girl is lovely. And the way you feel about her is lovelier still. Bless you. Posted by: Jessica at November 21, 2006 1:06 PM
Thank you, Jessica. Posted by: Andrea at November 21, 2006 1:31 PM
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Change is God (Octavia Butler, Parable Series) "I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it." Pablo Picasso Email Frances! frances AT athenadreaming DOT org You can email her mother too (that's me):
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