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August 28, 2006 Mom Jeans 
All over the print and online media these days, I see people yammering about how babies are the coolest accessories and it's now de rigeur to be a mom. This is nonsense. There is undeniably a fascination with Hollywood bellies--is it a bump or isn't it?--but I have yet to see any evidence that it makes the starlets in question cool. What it seems to do rather is make them safely uncool; it reduces their status and makes them more like us. And there is a lot more overpriced kiddie gear, but I don't think this has anything to do with how cool it is to be a Mom. In fact, it's the opposite: having a kid is so incredibly uncool that you need to spend a small fortune on designer baby duds to prove that you haven't lost your style sense in the transition to motherhood. "I still got it! Maybe I can't wear those clothes now but I still know what's cool and I still care about what's in style, and I will prove this by not putting my child in something with butterflies on it." And in what way does this reflect how cool it is to be a Mom? It's not. Think about it: Mom jeans. No one wants to wear Mom jeans. Girls don't want to wear Mom jeans. Wives don't want to wear Mom jeans. And especially Moms don't want to wear Mom jeans. Why not? If Moms were cool, if being a Mom was cool, if a baby was the ultimate accessory and giving birth mandatory for today's young overachieving woman, Mom jeans would be the ultimate status symbol. You have arrived at Momdom, and have the jeans to prove it! Instead, Moms go out of their way when buying clothing to get whatever seems most likely to make them look like a young, single, skinny girl who just happens to be babysitting her sister's kids. The very phrase "Mom jeans" calls forth a whole host of stereotypical associations of a woman who's let herself go, doesn't care about her looks anymore, isn't up on the latest styles, is maybe a bit mushyheaded or overly sentimental, has lost her identity to her kids. It's not exactly evidence of Mom Pride, is it? I remember reading about a culture, I can't remember their name anymore, but one of those cultures typically featured in the National Geographic of old where women went around topless. The journalist (a man) was admiring a young woman's breasts, which was noticed by his guide (also a man). "Very nice," he said, "But here, women want their breasts to sag. It proves they've had kids." Now that's Mom Pride. And what have we got instead? A culture where every body change associated with pregnancy and childrearing is reviled, a culture where every form of display (clothing, accessories, vehicle) is carefully chosen so as to mask one's parenthood. You don't want the minivan. You don't want a diaper bag; it's better if it looks like a purse. You don't want sensible shoes, gods no. You don't want an easy care haircut; you want to emulate the hairstyle of a 21-year-old club girl. And most of all, you do NOT want Mom Jeans; you want low-cut bootleg jeans with a nice wash, just like the highschool girls are wearing. Every day we're surrounded by this nonsense that it's so cool to be a Mom now that it takes tremendous strength to stand up to the cultural onslaught and resist the pressure. That parents have taken over the cultural discourse with their self-centred whining and the childless are courageously fighting back. Bull. Shit. I say. Yes, there's pressure to knock out a kid of your own, these days; but as part of some dizzying new celebration of the awesome power and coolness of motherhood? Not likely. More like a part of the backlash against women, a constant reminder that we are, after all, wombs with legs, and if we try to be anything else we are working against our basic natures; more like a way to put us all back in our place ("Shut up and have a baby so I can ignore you, all right?"). But that this is any indication that Motherhood is getting some kind of respect or admiration or recognition? Please. If it were, every girl in North America would be dying to wear a pair of Mom jeans; they'd sell out at $5,000 a pair from the fanciest hoity-toity department stores that I don't even know the names of, because I am not cool. If it were, the starlets wouldn't be flaunting how exactly unchanged they were by pregnancy and breastfeeding, they'd be dying for sagging breasts and tiger bellies and plastering those on the covers of major women's magazines. So there. Posted by Andrea at August 28, 2006 9:51 AM under Mothers and Anti-Mothers EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments Excellent entry. I have a response formulating, but I'm still thinking about it...... Posted by: Rachel at August 28, 2006 2:01 PM
Every day we're surrounded by this nonsense that it's so cool to be a Mom now that it takes tremendous strength to stand up to the cultural onslaught and resist the pressure. That parents have taken over the cultural discourse with their self-centred whining and the childless are courageously fighting back. Bull. Shit. I say. Yes, yes, yes. Thank you. Posted by: Casey at August 28, 2006 2:07 PM
Excellent Post! I agree wholeheartedly. Posted by: Sarah at August 28, 2006 2:12 PM
I guess I've been uncool since before High School, since I always searched for mom jeans. They fit, they flattered, and they were MADE for my hips. Some of the saddest days of my shopping life were when Chic Jeans went out of business and when Units went under. Sigh. Posted by: liz at August 28, 2006 2:16 PM
Heh. Liz beat me to it. I too have been uncool since before highschool. The transition from preMom jeans into momJeans was pretty seamless. I wonder if I can find them anymore? Posted by: Miche at August 28, 2006 2:20 PM
If I could find a pair of Mom jeans, I'd be all over them. The closest I can find in these parts is the almost-normal-waist style at Gap, which I hate shopping at. Still, I have a pair. I heard a few weeks back that higher waists are coming back into style, and I almost fainted. Haven't found anything like that yet near me, though. Still--the term "Mom jeans" is definitely meant as a term of derision, which says everything I want to say about how the culture really views the institution. Posted by: Andrea at August 28, 2006 2:31 PM
I was never cool. Not even in high school. I was one of those weird drama club kids. Still am, if you want to speak plainly. My clothes were always derided, even if I did manage to squeeze my behind into whatever it was that the cool kids were wearing. They made fun of me no matter what. So, I just continue to wear my fat lady clothes, and be uncool. I may not be hip, but at least I'm comfortable. Posted by: KLee at August 28, 2006 4:05 PM
Old Navy just below the waist boot cuts. They are as close to mom jeans as you can get without being outed on What Not To Wear. If you wear them with the extra long tanks, there is zero belly exposure and no plumbers' butt at the park. Posted by: Jen at August 28, 2006 8:37 PM
I can't wear Mom jeans. Since I stopped nursing my second child, my breasts have shrunk to a bra size AA (while in fact I hardly ever wear a bra, since it makes so little difference) and I wear a size 2 petite pants. This is not from overzealous exercise -- I never go to the gym. IRL women who see me with my two kids often say, "Your friends must hate you," referring to how small I am. The glory of being a woman is that we all come in different sizes & shapes, including stick! Posted by: Jennifer at August 28, 2006 8:48 PM
You know what? I don't entirely get this post. Did I miss something? What are mom jeans? I just this winter bought the most fabulous jeans I ever owned, a dark-wash wide-leg mid-rise from Eddie Bauer. They make my legs look about 10m long! (sorry, I hope it doesn't come across like I only comment when I disagree with you!!) Posted by: Danigirl at August 30, 2006 8:55 AM
Mom jeans are high-waisted blue jeans, sometimes with front pleats, normally with tapered legs--they're considered unflattering to just about everyone and unstylish, which is why I think that the term "mom jeans" is a derisive one. It's sort of like the term "he throws like a girl"--an insult to the guy, and an insult to girls. "Mom jeans" basically says the clothes are ugly because moms wear them, or that only moms would wear such ugly clothes. Either way, not a compliment. And don't feel badly about disagreeing--it's more interesting. Posted by: Andrea at August 30, 2006 9:37 AM
I'm so glad you wrote this. I've been thinking about this very topic since someone -- Casey, maybe? -- wrote about the fact that minivans are only considered the depths of uncool because they're associated with moms. Now, every time I see one I try to adjust my eyes and my brain. But undoing the patriarchy takes some energy... Posted by: mc at August 30, 2006 1:23 PM
Marla's right: I really have to start reading you more. This blew me away. I am totally guilty of trying to hang on to my coolness and of acting like motherhood hasn't changed me. Thanks for making me think. Posted by: scarbiedoll at August 31, 2006 12:22 PM
Did Marla say that? What a wonderful human being she is. And thank you, scarbiedoll. mc, you know, I've wondered recently how much our current smog and climate change woes owe to the association of minivans with moms, making so many people buy a SUV instead so they can avoid the dreaded association. Posted by: Andrea at August 31, 2006 1:20 PM
Hahahaha! Saw this today! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3rA2jOGhGw&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fgirlsgonechild%2Eblogspot%2Ecom%2F2006%2F09%2Fdear%2Dparenting%2Dmagazine%2Dfashion%2Ehtml Posted by: Marla Good at September 6, 2006 10:25 AM
By the way - it came from this, which I'm still thinking about: Posted by: Marla Good at September 6, 2006 10:28 AM
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