House Rules Redux

My original House Rules post was appropriate to what Beanie Baby was at the time--a mish-mash of opinions and ecstatic worship of the WBBE, BN, when she was just fourteen months old, read almost entirely by friends, a few soon-to-be-friends, and a rather overwhelming number of people who clicked through from one or two bulletin boards I used to post on.

It was the latter group that had my back up: I'd learned that a few of them were reading the blog and then dissecting in private what a miserable, negative human being I was. That's always fun--you know, I know Dooce gets hate mail from her blog, but she also gets significant revenue and a shitload more readers. I was sensitive about it. Maybe too sensitive. Maybe a little defensive.

In any case, I've decided that it's time to revisit my rules for participation here at Beanie Baby:

"All appearances to the contrary, this is my private space. I designed and coded this site by hand; I pay for it out of my own pocket; I registered the domain name many years ago. This is my home on-line. As such, if you enter my home, I ask that you treat me with the same respect that you would if you were sitting in my living room drinking my tea out of my teacups."

This is still true, but not entirely: my house is a bit bigger than it was nineteen months ago (!!!) and I appear to have built a guest wing or two, so in some important respects, this is now--well, not precisely a "home" but maybe a salon--for you, as well. In other words, while I think it is still perfectly reasonable for me to expect that I and my family will be treated with respect and consideration while you are here, you probably have the right to expect that you can make yourselves comfortable, put your feet up on the coffee table, and ask me to change the channel if you're getting bored of what I have on the TV. I mean, it's my tea and my teacups, but you brought the chocolate chip cookies and coffee cake, right?

So here's what you owe me, and what I owe you:

1. Don't insult me or call me names.

2. Don't ever, ever say one word against Frances. God help you if you do.

3. Please feel free to disagree with me. Debates are fun, as long as both sides realize they are discussing the ideas and not the persons advancing them. If I know you, I'm likely to cut you a considerable amount of slack--if it appears that you are criticizing me instead of what I'm saying, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and respond accordingly. If I don't know who you are, I make no promises. (This should not be difficult: Instead of "You're stupid, Andrea," try, "Your idea is stupid, Andrea." See? Two extra words, a whole different meaning.) I will do the same for you.

4. I don't mind lurkers. I'd prefer it if every reader I had left an admiring com(pli)ment, but I know that's unrealistic. You have busy lives and a few hundred other blogs to read, right? Me too. So lurk away. (Though I'll admit it drives me NUTS that every month the number of visitors goes up and the number of comments doesn't budge--how is that possible?) On the other hand, please know that I try hard to visit any blog that does leave a comment and I comment where I can; I also tend to add frequent commenters to my blogroll.

5. However, if you are lurking because you feel like you "don't belong"--you're not a mother, you're not female, your child is normal in every perceptible way, you're not diabetic, or whatever--really. If you're a human being (or even if you're a dog ... or a cat!) and not a complete jerk, you belong here. It's true that I wish that someone else who's had a similar experience to what we've had will stumble here and I'll be able to add to my tribe; but it's also true that I love how different all of you are, from me and from each other. Bring something new to the table. I'll do my best to make you feel welcome.

6. I like being added to blogrolls. You don't have to ask first. As a matter of fact, if you consistently read my site and enjoy what I write, and you have a blog or website of your own, I would distinctly prefer to be linked to. Again, I tend to add people who link to me to my blogroll (and if I haven't, a polite reminder or request would almost definitely be successful).

7. There is only one form of censorship I will ever use: against hate speech or bigotry. Make all the free speech proclamations you'd like; in my opinion, an act of hate speech or bigotry is effectively a hamper on the free speech of those being attacked, and I make no apologies for taking sides. It's never come up, but in case you're wondering, there is a zero tolerance policy in effect. You will not only be banned and have your comments removed, but you will be mercilessly mocked. (Turn about is fair play.)

8. Please remember that you are not anonymous. In other words, Mr. Searching from a Large Texas Children's Hospital, who found me by searching for child porn, I came thisclose to reporting you to your employer. (Dumbass.)

There you go: respect, egalitarianism, courtesy, diversity, reciprocity, no illegal activity. Not too complicated.

Posted by Andrea at September 6, 2006 8:46 AM under Web

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