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November 14, 2006 Lizard Brain 
When someone runs their fingers through my hair so that their nails lightly scratch my scalp, it makes me sleepy. My brain feels swollen, my limbs warm and loose. It is an effort to remember words. I am not sure when I open my mouth that anything will come out. When I am near Frances and we are playing something quiet, it is the same. Her breath is heavy when she concentrates; I lose myself in the shadows on her shirt, the light shining off her fingernails, the curve of a tiny finger, a perfect round arm. My heart slows. My limbs become gellid, as if the bones went soft; my eyes half-close. My brain is heavy and slow, and I am afraid that if I try to speak, my words will emerge slurred and sloppy. This feeling is no feeling at all; there is no emotion associated with it. It is not love, or joy, or contentment, or peace. The closest state I can think of is the moment before one enters a trance. There is no time. There is hardly a me. At those times, I can easily spend thirty or sixty minutes or more, lying quietly while she uses rounded plastic tweezers to remove dozens of pretend splinters from my arms. If only it were that way more often, the frightened monkey brain asleep while the contented lizard brain lolls in the sun of my beautiful girl. Posted by Andrea at November 14, 2006 7:16 AM under Me EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments Lovely. Posted by: Madeleine at November 14, 2006 10:07 AM
wonderful! Posted by: LauraJ at November 14, 2006 10:50 AM
This is an uber post! Posted by: liz at November 14, 2006 12:08 PM
I love this - both the feeling and the perfect way you describe it. What a beautiful few moments you've captured in words. Posted by: Because I Said So at November 14, 2006 2:48 PM
Once again, you have beautifully put into words a feeling or a state-of-being that I TOTALLY understand, 'cause I feel it too. This is one of those things that no one can prepare us for before we become a parent, but it's actually a GOOD thing, as opposed to so much of the unknown! Thanks for putting my feelings into words! Posted by: PeanutButtersMum at November 14, 2006 3:20 PM
That is absolutely beautiful. Posted by: Kristina at November 15, 2006 1:01 PM
this si so sweet and perfectly captures those sunshine sweet moments. Posted by: bridget at November 16, 2006 6:17 AM
My god, this is beautiful. It gave me chills. How perfectly you've described moments I've experienced often but have been unable to put into words. The closest I've come would probably be when I wrote in my journal a few months after she was born, "It feels like the whole universe has gotten smaller and you're at the center of it." Doesn't it just take your breath away? Could you ever have imagined being capable of this much love? Posted by: Phasic at November 18, 2006 11:13 PM
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