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July 13, 2007 Frances Friday the Thirteenth 
Frances has decided that I'm not the antichrist just in time for our family meeting about the divorce on Sunday. That's right. This weekend we finally come clean about what all this errand-running, paint-buying, thinly-veiled-fight-having, house-selling and box-packing is about. Thirty-five days. Five weeks. An eternity for a three-year-old girl for whom an hour is still an age. An eternity for her mother, too, though for different reasons. Yet perversely, not enough time to get everything done that needs to be done before we move in. But, at least she does not hate me right now. Yesterday I got to pick her up at daycare. She was inside, having just used the toilet to make a pee, as her friend S proudly informed me. Friends S and I tickled her feet as I carried her out the door (and who can blame them? Have you seen her smile? Have you heard her laugh? It's addictive. If I could sit around all day and tickle her, I'd do it too). We buckled ourselves into the brown car and as I pulled away, I heard her say something. That can't be right, I thought. "What did you say?" "I missed you, Mummy." "Oh, thank you sweetie. I missed you too. Lots. It makes me so happy to hear that." "I missed you today." "I missed you too. I love you, sweet girl." "I love you too, Mummy." ~~~~~ This week she has been making lots and lots of Whole Play-Doh Families: Mummy, Daddy, Sister, Brother and Baby. This bears no resemblance to our own family configuration, and will bear even less shortly, as Frances will learn by Sunday. As we played, I tried to introduce the concept of families that don't look like that--with one or two Mummies, one or two Daddies. No. She would have none of it. There is an episode of Max and Ruby where Ruby and her friend Louise are trying to stage a play about two princesses who go to a ball and dance with a handsome prince. I swear the gender roles on that show are more rigid than anything I've seen in real life. Anyway, at one point, they give up on Max playing the role of the handsome prince, and decide that one of them will play that part instead. They do the typical uber-polite Girl-Rabbit thing (since I've never seen a human girl at that age be so polite) and fight over who will give up the princess role to play the prince. Says Louise, "We can't have TWO princes, Ruby!" Says Frances's interfering Mother from the armchair, "Actually, Frances, they could have two princes. Or two princesses. Or the princess could go by herself. It's really very silly to think that you have to have one princess and one prince to go to the ball." Frances says nothing, so intent she is on the repetitive and predictable drama playing out on-screen. But I hope it sinks in at least a little bit. Posted by Andrea at July 13, 2007 5:41 AM under Frances Friday EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments I recently wrote about giving my nephew a copy of King & King, which might be worth a go (although my picture seem to have vanished from that entry, dammit). http://blobolobolob.blogspot.com/2007/06/its-always-been-same-same-old-story.html Best of luck for the weekend. You'll be in my thoughts. Posted by: The Goldfish at July 13, 2007 7:05 AM
Good luck on Sunday. Posted by: Casey at July 13, 2007 7:22 AM
So happy to hear about "I missed you, Mummy" and "I love you too, Mummy." I'm sure you needed that! G'luck Sunday. Posted by: Miche at July 13, 2007 8:09 AM
I'm so with you on that one. We don't have a TV, but it's still EVERYWHERE. We've explained a few times about different family configurations and the other day, I think Mme L gave a sign that she's actually getting it. She saw an extended family sitting at a table in a restaurant with two men sitting on either side of a little boy and exclaimed, "Mama! That boy has two daddies!" If only some of our gay friends would hurry up and have kids and make it uneventful for her, already. I kid, of course. I'm glad to hear that she missed you. Posted by: NotSoSage at July 13, 2007 11:18 PM
I was going to suggest King & King, but that has already been done. Her family will still have a mommy and a daddy, just not in the same house. She will someday understand that. And she is lucky to have a mother who will help her. I will be thinking of you. Posted by: Emily at July 14, 2007 1:18 AM
Today is Sunday. Thinking of you. Posted by: Emily at July 15, 2007 8:05 AM
Everywhere Babies is a good picture book that has multiple variations of families in it. There's no text particularly referring to the variations, but you can point them out as you read. Posted by: Genevieve at July 16, 2007 11:34 AM
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Change is God (Octavia Butler, Parable Series) "The children of the revolution are always ungrateful, and the revolution must be grateful that it is so." Ursula le Guin Email Frances! frances AT athenadreaming DOT org You can email her mother too (that's me):
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