Sorry I've been gone so long... a lot of drama at home.
I'm personally relieved with option 2! She's too young to understand the dynamics of this and that's a good thing. Although I'm sure she will have her "moments", in general it's a lot less devastating when they are younger, more resilient, more adaptable. It's us adults that strugle with all these things.
I wish you all well and hope that Frances adapts quickly and easily.

Of the choices, I think #2 is the better. I know it's painful to have to explain it over and over but it should make it seem more gradual to her.

(HUGS)

When my parents told us, I was old enough to get it, but also old enough to know they were Not Okay with each other. It wasn't a surprise, but it also wasn't devastating when I got the news. I suppose that's because I didn't understand the full implications, but it also wasn't as straightforward as simply splitting and keeping the rest behind curtain 2, away from the children.

I think #2 is fine. It will sink in as she is adapting to her new surroundings, and I suspect just as she comprehends, she'll be finding her confidence and footing in the new situation.

This must be tough on you. But it sounds like you are really, really managing it all so well, at least for Frances. Hope it is for you too.

As long as she still has the two of you in her life, even if not together, she will be okay.

She's working it out, though. She's testing it, trying to get a feel for what it means, that's pretty clear. No, it won't hit home 'til then, and it may still take a while to sink in, but the good thing is that she feels safe enough with you to try to work it out out loud.

Good luck.

Oh, it's heartbreaking. But I know that you'll do the best job humanly possible to make this as easy on her as possible. You're being much more mature and kind (to E) than I'd ever be able to muster the strength for. I admire your strength and I know that F knows she's loved more than anything. You're putting her first and she'll thank you for that one day! HUGS. I know this can't be easy in any way, shape or form...

You're doing the right thing. Speaking from what I've learned in life, option 2 is harder on you, but it is amazing how kids' brains don't let them get all the information right away. I am sorry for all of the pain you're going through.

While it sounds like she doesn't fully understand it, the questions she's asking are showing that she is trying to fully digest/understand it. She'll get there, you'll get there, this will become the new "normal"...until then, you are doing great in providing her the security she needs and the answers she's looking for.

It still breaks my heart when Coop asks me questions about my grandmother (who died this past winter). Out of nowhere he will ask if Nanny still sings, or when she will make us egg salad, or whatever. It's like somewhere in his mind the neurons are zapping "wait a minute...I haven't seen Nanny for a while. I need a reminder!". And we go through the whole Nanny died discussion all over again, me choking back my tears and trying to be matter of fact.

I am so impressed with your handling of things...you never cease to inspire me.

Admitting that I don't have any experience with divorce, I must say that your other commenters have some good feedback about it being okay to be #2. I betcha that she adapts quickly. Frances seems to be quite the adaptable kid, so while it may be hard for you, it may be easier on her. Hang in there!

My gut is that option #2 is perfect. She reacted exactly as she should, given her age. When we moved to a new country with a 21 month old, he did not understand, but reading books about it and talking about it in advance gave him a context to work it out in when it actually happened.

How are YOU?

Yes, I agree with everyone: #2 is preferable to the total devastation. And in particular I think Nickie is so right-their little brains and hearts only let in as much as they can deal with at such a young age. Frances is amazing, you are amazing, and you will get through this with your lumps and bumps, and come out far better for it. I know I don't need to remind you that staying with an addict in denial is NOT the answer for anyone!
Blessings on your heads, you two.

My sister was three when my parents divorced (I was five) and I remember being taken to my dad's new apartment and being told they were getting divorced. My sister, like Frances, thought it was a bit of an adventure: two bedrooms! Two drawers full of clothes! Two sets of toys and books! But, I knew how sucky it was and was mad at her for not understanding. In hindsight, maybe it was much more normal for her and perhaps her adjustment was smoother.

Thinking of you and Frances..!

*hugs*