First Day: Will we wake in the morning, and know what it was for?

Wake up, say good morning to
that sleepy person lying next to you.
If no one's there,
then there's no one there.
But at least the war is over.

It's us. Yes, we're back again,
here to see you through till the day's end.
And if the night comes,
and the night will come,
well at least the war is over.

Lift your head head, look out the window.
Stay that way for the rest of the day
and watch the time go.
Listen, the birds sing.
Listen, the bells ring.
All the living are dead,
and the dead are all living.
The war is over,
and we are beginning.

Gridlock on the parkway now.
The television man is here to show you how.
The channel fades to snow.
It's off to work you go,
but at least the war is over.

She's gone.
She left before you woke.
As you ate last night, neither of you spoke.
Dishes, tv, bed,
the dark was filled with dread,
but at least the war is over.

Lift your head and look out the window.
Stay that way for the rest of the day
and watch the time go.
Listen, the birds sing.
Listen, the bells ring.
All the living are dead,
and the dead are all living.
The war is over,
and we are beginning.

We've won--
or we think we did.
When you went away, you were just a kid.
And if you lost it all, and you lost it,
well we'll still be there
when your war is over.

Lift your head, and look out the window.
Stay that way for the rest of the day
and watch the time go.
Listen, the birds sing.
Listen, the bells ring.
All the living are dead,
and the dead are all living.

The war is over, but we are beginning.

Here it comes, here comes the first day.
Here it comes, here comes the first day.
It starts up in our bedroom after the war.
It starts up in our bedroom after the war.

After the war.
After the war.

~~~~~

"In Our Bedroom After the War," by Stars. Stuck in my head, Dear Readers. For weeks. It's worth the 99 cents for a legal download.

This was my idea, leaving. It was my choice. I made up my mind and tore my family apart because I believed it was better for Frances to have two sane parents part-time than two crazy full-time parents. But I dreaded it.

Sunday was my first day. My first full day alone with Frances in the new place. I unpacked and organized and played with her and read; she smiled and laughed and pretended to be Little Ruby Riding Hood and played with her new toys. We talked a bit about why Daddy wasn't here and wasn't coming until Thursday, but it was ok. And the rest of the day was good. Great. We had a fabulous day.

There were no clenched jaws, no grinding teeth. No pursed lips. No hunched shoulders. No bitten tongue, no unsaid retort, no wordless glares. No swallowed anger. No bitter, angry, sarcastic, paranoid, suspicious mama who knows she is a nightmare to be around but can't help herself because she is full of rage all the time.

Instead, when I thought of it at all, which wasn't often because--maybe because of how much time I've spent here by myself--it feels like home already, I simply felt relieved.

Posted by Andrea at August 20, 2007 6:04 AM under Decision 2007

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