Yup. I know exactly what you mean.

But it will be more than just hard. It will be joyful (eventually) and a relief. I know that some kinds of anger are energizing, but the kind that you live with, day in and day out, is just draining, debilitating. There will be a kind of peace when it is gone.

You will be more than fine.

So will Frances.

To echo CCW, you will be more than fine. You will be great!

You're right.

It will be, you will be. You sound very centered about it. I'm glad. Ten days.

Julie
Ravin' Picture Maven

Yes, yes, yes. All of it.

You will be fine. It's hard work but not impossible. Good luck sweetie.

You will be fine. Eventually. You're going to hate the effer for doing this to your family. You're going to feel sorry for yourself, for Frances. Eventually you will pick yourself up and lots and lots of happy times are ahead for the two of you. :D Big hugs!

As others have said, though it will be hard, you will be fine. And so will the World's Best Kindergartner Ever, Bar None. And actually, as you allude to, that is part of the reason you know you can do it -- Frances is no longer that tiny, needy baby who couldn't be put down. She is a sunny, happy, easy-going big girl. You can do it!

Slightly off topic, a book we loved just before kindergarten was Annabelle Swift, Kindergartner. Toronto Public Library has it if you think Frances would like it. (They have the cassette plus book version, even, which is probably the same as the one we borrowed in a different place and time). After you get through the rest of the to-do list, of course.

You will be ok..
I know you don't know me but trust in yourself, you will prevail..

I suppose it's the kind of thing that you don't have to imagine it, you just have to do it. The one thing that strikes me about single motherhood -- and I have no experience to base this on so I apologize in advance -- is that it can be a good thing to have no expectations of somebody else doing something. The single mothers I have known have all made it look easy, and I suspect that managing the dynamics of a relationship, especially a damaged one, sucks a lot of energy away from the business of raising a child and managing a household.

Your apartment looks beautiful, and it's so wonderful that you're putting so much energy into making a nice home for Frances.

I know you're scared, but this is what is best not only for your daughter, but for you. And really what is best for you, is what is best for your daughter

You will be fine. I know it is scary going into it. I'm a single mother by choice of twins. I was terrified during my pregnancy of how the heck was I going to do it alone. You do what you have to do in the end. My twins are now almost 4 and happy, healthy children. Frances is very lucky to have you for a mom. She'll undoubtedly adjust to the new living situation given time. You'll both be fine.

If anybody is equipped for this, it's you. As the others have said, you'll be more than fine, and I'm guessing rather more quickly than you might expect.

Like so much in life, this requires a blind leap. And like so many blind leaps, this one will end in a much better place than you began.

Risa's story sounds just like that of one of my students. She split with her twins' dad while she was still pregnant and she says now that she won't even go looking for a partner until her kids are older. (They're 3.5 now.)

She confided in me that it is hard to be the only adult, but the payoff is that she's the only adult, so what mom says goes - no negotiations with the kid or a partner who might disagree. She likes not having to negotiate a relationship with an adult while wrestling over control of how to raise the kids while raising the kids to be happy and healthy. Sure, they struggle with money and sleep, but she swears that it's a price she is willing to pay.

Of course, her situation isn't your situation, but in the anecdote I hope you find a nugget of truth: this is something you can do. Surely it will be hard, but what about the life you're leaving? It was hard too, just in a different way.

You can do it. You might not be able to imagine it, but then, most things we imagine don't turn out exactly as imagined anyway.

I've done the single parent thing. I was 21 and working for peanuts, but I did it. It was hard and I never went anywhere and I know I wasn't the best-equipped mother out there, but my son is 19 now and I don't think I screwed him up too badly. You're much more intelligent and much more in tune with what your child needs than I was when I did it. I'm pretty sure you'll be ok. It will be hard at times, but it will be ok.

Take it from me: you can DEFINITELY do it, and I can tell you that in some ways it will be much, much easier. I promise. The hardest part will be the separation. The daily logistics you will figure out. The decision-making will be a treat. The rhythm will become yours. Above all, lean on your friends. If they offer to help, take them up on it. That was the most important lesson I learned as a single parent.
I'm thinking of you.

It *will* be fine. Because women are stronger than they think they are. You are stronger than you think you are.

Single Moms have my deepest admiration and respect. *You* have my deepest respect and admiration.

All the best for your and Frances. She's a lucky little girl.

Though Im not a single mom, sometimes i feel like it with hubby on the road all the time. you just do it. Somehow you get through the colds, restless nights, wining, etc etc. You just do. MOst days im on autopilot with my schedule as its always just rinse/repeat of our daily routine. Would I change it though? Not for a second. I love being a mom and this is my life. Dont worry. You'll get through :0)

Being the only child of a single parent, I can tell you that there is the possibility of a bond so special (between an only child and a single parent) that it is somewhat inexplicable. I used to beg my mother not to have another child, followed quickly by begging her to never, ever get married.

It was the two of us - and that's how I wanted it.

There is good stuff at the end of this. Truly there is.

Just de-lurking to say -- I'm sure it is scary, but I'm just as sure you'll be fine. You're doing this for all the right reasons, and you will be happier because of it. And you will get through all the tough parts because the good parts will be so much better.

'It will be fine. I will get used to it, and I will be fine.'

One of the things I like about being an adult is that when major changes happen, it doesn't feel as much like the total end of the world as it used to. A bit of me knows that it will be fine, that in six months, a year, two years, I'll have found a new normal and looking back won't be able to remember quite what the old normal was like.

One of the things that I hate about being an adult is that when major changes happen, it still feels quite like the end of the world, and I still have to go through the whole scary process of creating the new normal. I find myself trying to bargain with the universe 'look, I know it will be fine, so can't I just skip the being terrified part and get straight on to the it being fine bit?'

Anyway, just to say that I'm thinking of you and looking forward to hearing about your happy new normal over the coming months.

Yes, to agree with some other commenters, getting to have all the control when it comes to all the issues, (I got to name one all by myself)that was kinda cool.
It's not all that easy, no. But it can be done. And you will do it wonderfully.