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February 14, 2008 Down With Love. Sort of. 
Not all of us are happily coupled on Valentine's Day, you know? There are those of us who are happily uncoupled, unhappily coupled, or unhappily uncoupled. All this balloon hearts and chocolate boxes and roses stuff--the last time I really got excited about Valentine's Day I was in highschool. More power to those of you whose hearts are fluttering as I type with wondering about what your sweetheart has planned for you today, and my sympathies to the ones who only wish their sweetheart was planning anything but you already know that despite store windows filled with pink-and-red signs for the last four weeks that you're not getting anything because s/he's somehow managed to forget. For the rest of us, a potpourri of smug news about romance: 1. Hey, you know that old trope about how men want beautiful women and women want rich men? You know that it's hogwash? That people will say that it's true but when their behaviour is measured both men and women value attractiveness over money? Yeah, take that Bill Gates. 2. Did you know that kissing transmits information about health, intentions, willingness to commit to raising children, and genetic compatibility? According to Scientific American Mind (and really, why would they lie to us?) it might have evolved from the primate feeding tactic of chewing food for children before passing it directly to their mouths. So romantic. (Still, read the article.) 3. Of course, Frances's school is going all out. There is a Danceathon! Everyone is to wear pink or red! There will be a special snack at kindergarten! There will be the annual exchange of tacky, punny, branded cardlets! It is all too exciting for words! Valentine's Day, hurrah! I much prefer this version. A few nights ago we were curled up on the sofa and she started talking about getting married, for some reason. Knowing Frances it came right out of the blue, as her topics of converstation frequently do. "Do you want to get married someday?" I asked her. "Yeah." "Do you know who you want to marry?" "I want to marry my Daddy," she said. "But he told me that I can't." "That's true," I said, lips twitching, trying not to giggle. "There are rules that say daughters can't marry their daddies. But there might be someone else one day." She had no reply but a heartfelt sigh. With two divorces under my belt my belief in marriage and monogamy might have been ground to a fine powder, but love is still beautiful. Even if it doesn't stay. Posted by Andrea at February 14, 2008 10:16 AM under Beanie Baby Brags , Friends and Others , The World EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments MadDad and I have never participated in Valentine's Day--at least not commercially. There's been no flowers, dinners, chocolate or ornate cards. We do have a couple of private rituals that we maintain when time is on our side--which it wasn't this year. I like Valentine's Day as a holiday for small children. It gives them a chance to understand and celebrate kindness and inclusion when it is done right. To my mind it only falls off the rails in grade school when some children begin to be excluded and when kids begin to be co-opted by romantic notions if perhaps not romantic ideals. Posted by: Mad at February 14, 2008 11:46 AM
I don't think I've been "single" for a Valentine's Day since about the second grade, but it's still not a big deal for me, just a lot of pressure to make one day perfect, romantic. I'm enjoying it a lot more this year than I have in a long, long time. Finally, I have a 4-year-old who likes to cut paper and make valentines, while talking about friendship and love (we love our dog, grandma, grandpa, sister Ada, etc.) even though she has a fever all the while. Posted by: Sarahlynn at February 14, 2008 12:28 PM
I forgot the substance of my comment. Have you ever celebrated International QuirkyAlone Day? http://quirkyalone.net/ Posted by: Sarahlynn at February 14, 2008 12:30 PM
love IS still beautiful...and the sweetness of Frances wanting to marry her dad is just gorgeous. i prefer to think that happily uncoupled is better than unhappily coupled - ask my ex-husband - and wish we could teach that to kids, somehow. i wish all the fairy tales didn't end with a wedding. i wish we didn't continue to hold up the cultural myths of "the one" and "forever" to kids as they shape their visions of what their future lives might be like. i suppose it's part of training them to live in this society, though, dysfunctional conglomerate that it is. wow, i'm just a Valentine's sunbeam, aren't i? great post, Andrea. Posted by: Bon at February 14, 2008 1:11 PM
Sarah Lynn, I'm not sure I qualify as a quirkyalone--I've heard of it before but I didn't know they had their own day to celebrate. Mad, I agree. Right now, at Frances's age, it is very innocent. We had to draw a strict line though on giving valentines to everyone in her class, because there is one boy she thinks is not nice and she didn't want to give him one. Bon, me too. Posted by: Andrea
Hey bon, Posted by: Mad at February 14, 2008 1:37 PM
Andrea, Posted by: Mad at February 14, 2008 1:40 PM
I think Valentine's is overly rated. We should be doing this all year long no? Sharing, caring and loving one another every day of the year! It's also Singles Awareness Day! Welcome to the club Andrea. Posted by: LauraJ at February 14, 2008 1:56 PM
Yeeeees, the heterosexism. Very annoying. Is it really, Laura? Thanks. :) Posted by: Andrea
Pre-school and 6th grade had parties. I sent nothing for the 6th grade. I made cupcakes and bought cards for pre-school. At home, I make heart shaped pancakes. My mom did that every year and it is a fond memory. Frances is the sweetest girl in the entire world. I wish it was possible to bottle her goodness. Posted by: ccw at February 14, 2008 7:32 PM
Any holiday that promotes chocolate is okay by me. And that's all we do here. Chocolate. Thank you for the link to the kissing article, that's so cool! Posted by: Liz at February 14, 2008 11:15 PM
the forcing me to feel a certain way day has never worked well for me. i sometimes wish i could just go with the flow, but you know, i can't. Posted by: jen at February 14, 2008 11:40 PM
Love is beautiful, and I love when the kids plan to be with us forever. Frances is so sweet. I do like Valentine's Day for kids...for kindness. But I hate how it can make uncoupled people feel sometimes. So yeah. I hear what Bon is saying. Expectations, man. Road to you know where. Posted by: Julie Pippert at February 15, 2008 11:49 AM
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