I always seem to move x-country when major life events happen to me and, as such, the friendships get refurbished along the way without my losing old friends b/c there is always a polite distance to the epistolary. I was flummoxed, though, when I moved to Sleepy Town and it seemed as if all socializing was done as couples or families. This unnerved me for many reasons but on a practical level it necessitated much exclusion for me b/c my husband works 6 nights a week. Now that I've settled in out here, I have found friends that work outside those parameters and yet, there are the librarian friends, the theatre friends, the mom friends...

I am not at all surprised. This seems to simply be the nature of things. I do not hold it against the people who fall away -- it is just circumstances.

That does stink, and, sadly, it showcases an all too common trait in people.

Change frightens people. Change can be so threatening to people, hence alienating. You see this, like you say, when people get divorced. Many will suddenly treat you like you're contagious or 'after their husband' and stop inviting you out as a singleton. In older circles, you'll see this even more frequently, like it's catching. Same thing happens when people are diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers/serious cancer... often their so-called friends just disappear and shun the ill person; they act like it might be catching. So very sad.

Just thought I would post to say I'm still here - just struggling with Haven a fair bit. But I'm still here - if you ever need anything.

How odd...I was just speaking to a friend about this very subject the other day, and last week I wrote a poem about the first time I experienced this as a child. Must be something in the air. :) Anyway, I hated it then, and I hate it now. There have been some cases where I've let go peacefully - for example, when I could feel myself growing away as I saw my friend growing away, and the whole thing just evolved in a way that made sense. But there have been many other instances where the ending of a friendship made no sense to me and/or came out of nowhere, and the ache of it lasted for a long time.
Also, I just want you to know that I think I was one of the people whose reading went down starting late summer last year, but the only reason was because I'd just had the little guy. I'm trying to get around more often now. :)
xo

That makes sense... AND stinks.

My main experience of this has been through ill health, and for a long time I thought it was about youth and illness; my friends were all young and very busy and they didn't want to be around a duffer. So when I first got sick there were people I had sat next and chatted with five days a week for four years who I never heard a squeak out of ever again.

These days I accept that every significant relapse must have this autumnal effect. Fortunately, I'm getting better and better at identifying who will go and who will stay - once you do that, then there are few nasty surprises.

Not that friendships don't naturally drift apart from time to time, but there are certain types who, whilst perfectly nice and worth having around when they're available, just aren't going to stick if it involves any effort.

Fortunately, there are others who surprise you with their loyalty and generosity when you find yourself in a crisis.

It never ceases to surprise me what becomes the end of a friendship and what doesn't. Especially the getting married change - I have lost two friends recently, mainly because their reaction to my engagement (and subsequent behaviour toward me) has been so dramatically different from everyone else's. It sucks, but ultimately, I really think it's for the best...

(oh, and while I've been MIA in the comments, I have been reading through google reader...)

I'm happy to drive 1.75 hours in bad weather to rescue you from The Cat. (I may need 2 months warning though.... ;)

Yes, I know, not the point of the post.

It's a shame that reality never lives up to expectations.