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March 27, 2008 what comes after 'happily ever after' 
What do you suppose ever happened with Buttercup and Westley? True Love survived death, torture, engagement to someone else, abandonment--do you think it survived normal life? Do you suppose it lasted through remembering whose turn it was to take out the garbage and scrub the pots, through post-partum depression and a few years of (probably cloth) diapers, through a few rainy vacations with whiny kids who'd rather have stayed home and played with their friends? Can you imagine them, in their later years, as friends, the torrential passion that brought them together having faded to a good story, an anecdote to tell their grandchildren? Or do you suppose they eventually drove each other crazy, hated each other? Maybe a middle-aged Westley with thinning hair and a bit of a gut would one day scream at Buttercup, her hair greying and not as willowy as she was, that he should have left her to die in the lightning quicksand. I am not the first to point out by any stretch that the fairytale in whatever guise has little practical advice to offer. That "happily ever after" is the literary equivalent of turning the telescope the wrong way around, everthing crammed into a tiny frame and all the less-than-perfect details rendered invisible. Does that mean that True Love is itself a lie, or a myth? Should it be given any weight? Maybe True Love is a chemical hoax, a chimera that eventually vanishes; and you'd damn well better make sure before making an intended lifelong commitment that once it dissipates, the person you are with won't make you hate them one day--that there is the potential if not the actuality for a friendship to replace the temporary insanity of falling in love. Or True Love is a transcendent experience that doesn't happen to everyone every day, and if you throw it away, you are a fool--you'll never find it again. It would make whatever came afterwards worth it. Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me? How long do you think it took for normal life to make Buttercup doubt? The first night where Westley wouldn't stop snoring and no matter how hard she poked him in the ribs he wouldn't roll over? When she had their first child and Westley couldn't understand what the big deal was if he wanted to spend the weekend hunting with his friends? Did they stay together? Or did they do all that to be together, only to discover that when the adventure was over they had nothing to say to each other? But if we all know it's a myth, why do we keep coming back to it? Jane Austen has poor Anne Elliot suffer a loveless life for eight years after she turns down her True Love Frederick Wentworth for not being wealthy enough (in Persuasion)--would it ever happen? Eight years? At some point, surely, she'd move on? Is there anything behind these stories, or do we just want them to be true? Why would he come back through the park Sadness so real that it populates Why would he come back through the park Why would he think, the boy could become We seem a little conflicted about this, culturally; and I know I am a little conflicted about this, personally. My inner pragmatist--the one musing over issues of basic compatibility, similar goals and outlooks, personal and political values--goes to war daily with the inner romantic, who insists that practicality is the antithesis of love and that if you ever find 'the one' you should drop everything and hold onto them with both hands. The Ancient Booer: Boo. Boo. Boo. The inner romantic can be a bitch. Many of you I know have already consigned these questions to your younger selves, having made choices that you are prepared to live with one way or the other; but my younger self did not make particularly good choices (obviously), and I find it near impossible to just get her to shut the fuck up. It's funny, I think, that as an intj I am so routinely hamstrung by such un-pragmatic notions as fate. Fate would make it all a lot easier--no choices to be made, no consequences that one is truly responsible for, the decision taken out of one's hands. This is likely why people who believe in fate or predestination are more likely to cheat or steal in situations that permit it than those who believe in free will and responsibility--which is, in itself, a tidy argument against predestination. Which leaves one with choice. Which leaves me with choice. But choice is impossible when I have no idea what I want--and even a year after the end of my marriage, I don't.*** Westley: Hear this now: I will always come for you. Maybe it does. I don't know. What I do know is that, despite its overtones and themes, A Princess Bride is a comedy. ~~~~~ * From Feist's song The Park ** From The Princess Bride *** This means you get another post with me blathering on about this--sorry, but this is where my head is these days. Posted by Andrea at March 27, 2008 9:44 AM under Single Momming EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments 1. One of my all time favorite movies EVER. 2. I always took the true love stuff as sort of facetious, and ironic. 3. I married for many reasons and I'm not sure where it falls on the spectrum for sure but true love may have been near the least of them. I'd gone through a couple of "true loves" and knew exactly how that and that alone worked. 4. My inner intj and romantic and all the many voices in my head often are in battle over the ideas, ideologies, and concepts of fate and free will. Currently fate is winning. I will let you know what it is next week. Ironically (I suppose) this does not lessen my neverending sense of responsibility and oppressive level of guilt. 5. I think it's okay to not know. Maybe...maybe you are okay with what you have right now. Do you want/need or think you should have more? Posted by: Julie Pippert at March 27, 2008 10:42 AM
In the book, Buttercup's parents fought relentlessly over every kind of stupid thing, and they kept daily score. Then Buttercup's father dies -- and her mother dies immediately afterward, some say because the lack of opposition undid her... Posted by: Jennifer at March 27, 2008 10:45 AM
Julie, I've been meaning to suggest for a while that it might be fun to play with fate & free will for a hump day hmm one week. Are you game? Re: 5. Well, that's just it. I don't know if I am ok with it. I really have no idea. It had better be ok not to know, because there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it at the moment. Jennifer, that's perfect. What a great subplot. Posted by: Andrea
You know, before you mentioned Persuasion, I was already thinking about it. Not because of Anne Eliot's reward at the end, but because of the speech that essentially wins that reward - "All the privilege I claim for my sex... is that of loving longest, when all hope is gone." It's not presented as a particularly pleasant privilege, I think, and is painted as something that occurs because of the limited options available to women. The man she delivers that speech to has already moved on from one true love to the next, attached himself to a perfectly nice young girl based on time spent discussing a common interest, and while there is sadness that the replacement girl isn't up to the standards of the original, neither is there any implication that the two will be miserable. There are, on the other hand, plenty of examples in Austen, mostly amongst the parents of the main characters, of people whose true loves or grand romances turned out not so swell, showing just how much Austen had strong sense of Reality as well as Romance Posted by: Sara at March 27, 2008 11:13 AM
Very true, Sara. But I think her examples are often those of "marry in haste, repent at leisure". Posted by: Liz at March 27, 2008 9:18 PM
I too have been fatefully in love before - and all those poems and movies pale before the real thing. And oh, the devastation when it all goes pear shaped. I think that love does exist but it is not always a forever-after thing, rather something to sculpt a life around with a whole lot of other factors and a good deal of resolve by both parties. It took me 6 years to get over my last true love before I was really ready (even though I pretended to look earlier) and I really hope that this true love will stand the test of time - but we are both very pragmatic in the building of the life around our love and hopes and dreams rather than trying to build upon. Oh - and a favourite of mine (scene immediately springs to mind of Peter Sellars and "Mawidge." Posted by: jeanie at March 30, 2008 6:14 PM
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