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May 2, 2008 The Constitution of the Republic of Andrea 
Jen linked to something called The Happiness Project a week or so ago; and while I will be brave and admit I'm not sure about the entirety of The Happiness Project (I'm thinking it's probably most advisable for those who have no serious mental health issues to begin with), I do like the blogger's Secrets of Adulthood, her own rules for navigating life (way down in the left-hand sidebar, beneath the Wednesday tips). (I like other things too, but this is a unitopical blog post.) It got me to thinking about what rules for life I've managed to put together, in the near-total absence of any conventional knowledge. And this is undoubtedly what I should have written for Julie's Hump Day Hmm last week. But better late than never: Andrea's Voice of Experience 1. Treat others as they would like to be treated. If you don't know how they would like to be treated, treating others as you would like to be treated is a good starting place; but it's still better to know the difference. 2. Nice is about looking good; kind is about being good. Be kind. 3. Kids are resilient, so forgive yourself for the occasional mistake. But don't use their resilience as an excuse to allow a persistent negative pattern to continue, because if you do something over and over again it will have consequences. And you're the adult, it's your job to fix it. 4. Take a risk. Be willing to make a fool of yourself. At the very least, you'll learn something. 5. You can't be brave if you're never scared. 6. Harm none. 7. And since that's impossible, be willing to accept the consequences when you do harm. 8. The world already has one Angelina Jolie/Mahatma Gandhi/Alexander Graham Bell/Joan Didion, it doesn't need another one. It needs you. 9. Failure is temporary; apathy is permanent. 10. What feels like boredom or frustration is often resistance--not wanting to do the next thing that you know you need to do, not wanting to engage with your life as it is. Resistance is fear, always. This is the one kind of fear you should never listen to. Learn the voice that resistance has for you and beat it over the head with a big stick until it falls down in a messy, bloody heap. It is not your friend, it will not keep you safe. 11. You can't save the world on your own, but you can still contribute your own small piece. Have faith and hope that your own small piece will matter. I'm sure there are more, but that's what I'm starting with. What do you think? Tattoo? Too permanent? T-shirt? Too crowded? Coffee mug? No? Screensaver! Nah.... Stone tablet? Parchment? Petit-point? Posted by Andrea at May 2, 2008 3:27 PM under Change Addict , Me EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments These are great. It took me SO long to learn #1, and then I felt like I'd been cheated, labouring under the false version... Posted by: cinnamon gurl at May 2, 2008 6:42 PM
Yep, #1 is a good one. It was taught to me by a friend who scrupulously treated me the way she wanted to be treated, which meant standing me up whenever something better came along (with the understanding that I would, of course, be free to do the same to her). Let me stick up for niceness, though. I'd define it as being pleasant, friendly, and careful of others' feelings. It's a personality trait, perhaps, more than a virtue or moral obligation. Posted by: bubandpie at May 2, 2008 8:41 PM
Wow. I haven't commented in a very long time but this list of rules is extremely well put together. Much of it is seems in the realm of the obvious when we think about it, I just don't think we often think about it. I hope you don't mind if I blatantly steal them. Posted by: Zazzy at May 2, 2008 9:42 PM
I'm a better person because of you and your writing. This is another example of how you have touched me with your words and how your words have changed who I am. Thank you for another wonderful post! Posted by: LauraJ at May 2, 2008 10:53 PM
Thanks - I really need these today/this month... there's something about hearing from experience that fills a place when you feel like you've already failed to much to ever gain that experience. (Okay, that made very little sense, but yeah. I guess that when I feel like I'm struggling, it's nice to read things like this that show a) everyone struggles, and b) at least some people come out the other side having learned something.) Posted by: epi at May 2, 2008 11:49 PM
Love this. I would go with the stone tablets myself...they have a certain lasting quality. :) Posted by: Sue at May 3, 2008 10:34 AM
Oooh good list! A friend of mine ages ago did some gorgeous black and white photography and then overlaid favorite quotes. In an arty way, not cheesy Office Depot blechspirational poster way. He gave one to me as a gift and I still treasure it. So I vote for that. I like the physical. Posted by: Julie Pippert at May 3, 2008 11:22 AM
Thanks. :) And no, Zazzy, I don't mind at all. Go right ahead. Posted by: Andrea
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Change is God (Octavia Butler, Parable Series) "When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap." Cynthia Heimel Email Frances! frances AT athenadreaming DOT org You can email her mother too (that's me):
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