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June 29, 2008 Day One: Not the rousing start I'd hoped for 
Today's plan was a playpark and the video store for a rental. The playpark was rained out--again, I can't remember a rainier June in Toronto. Looking at the rain I decided at the last minute to take the car rather than the subway and head to the Best Buy instead of Blockbuster, bring a new movie home (at slightly greater expense, but Frances is still at the stage where she likes to watch something new a thousand times, so this will be more satisfying for her). We picked up a few cheap movies and were out our door when there was a "Hey, guys" behind us. It was Erik. "Daddy!" said Frances, and latched herself around his neck. "I was doing some shopping too," he said, "but I didn't get anything." For a few minutes we chatted by my car while Frances hugged her Daddy. Then he tried to say goodbye so we could head home. Frances's face knotted up and she sobbed. It's hard for her to see her Daddy for just a few minutes and say goodbye again when she misses him so much. I asked her if she would like to spend some extra time with Daddy before going home, and she nodded, and he suggested going to a playpark (it was sunny by then--though it's raining again now), and she nodded again, so that was the new plan. Except that when I got up to get into my car, she sobbed again. "What would you like to do?" Erik asked her. "I don't think we should do that," I said. "Let's just go with our new plan." I didn't want her to feel that she was being forced to choose sides, to pick which parent she wanted to spend time with that afternoon. Poor little bunny. When she's with her Mummy she misses Daddy; when she's with Daddy she misses Mummy; they're never in the same place at the same time except maybe when she runs into them in the middle of a Best Buy parking lot. It's hard enough for a grown-up to deal with. But she is just a little girl who must desperately wish sometimes that things were still the way they used to be. It's freedom for me, but it's a huge loss for her. Soon she will be here again and we will watch a new movie together on the couch, and eat some snacks. I'll snuggle her up and wonder what to say and how, and wish there was some way I could make it all right. Posted by Andrea at June 29, 2008 2:19 PM under Beanie Baby Brags , Single Momming EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments The only thing to make it right for any given moment: lots of hugs and lots of kisses. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX Posted by: LauraJ at June 29, 2008 4:37 PM
i'm not sure if this helps or not, but my parents divorced when i was three and my mom tells me i used to do the same thing regarding my dad. i would cry and cry for him when he wasn't there and i would cry for my mom when i was with him. to this day, i have absolutely no memory of this. i remember being super happy and loving both houses and actually feeling lucky that i had two houses to go to. my mom used to worry about the long-term effects of my crying and missing and wishing i could have both in the same place at the same time and there weren't any. hopefully frances will come out on the other side as well? but, oh, my thoughts are with you. and i agree with lauraj...lots of hugs and lots of kisses. that always helps. Posted by: krista at June 29, 2008 6:46 PM
Oh I know how hard that must be. But from an adult whose parents are divorced, I know that some day she will understand and appreciate that the move you made for yourself was for her too. HUGS Posted by: Nicole at June 29, 2008 9:53 PM
Wow. All the rest of it aside, I really REALLY admire your ability to work thru things with Erik. That must be so incredibly hard. You're awesome! Posted by: Kia at June 30, 2008 2:48 PM
What I meant was, your ability to work things thru with Erik, IN FRANCES' BEST INTEREST. ;) Posted by: Kia at June 30, 2008 2:48 PM
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