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July 22, 2008 someone up there has a bad sense of humour 
My Dad had a heart attack on Sunday. And one of my Mom's dogs died. In a rational universe, those two sentences would never go in the same blog post. But, there they are. Keep in mind that it happened on Sunday and I found out about it on Tuesday.... In a normal family, I guess, people might go to the hospital, get flowers and cards, hug. In a normal family, I probably would have found out on Sunday. So let's work with the assumption that I don't have a normal family. What, on god's green earth, do you do for two people in that situation who seem to abhor nothing so much as having to talk to people? Where is the boundary between uncaring and intrusiveness? I'm not feeling anywhere near as flippant as the above makes it sound, though exasperation is there in large measure. The truth is, I usually have no idea what to think or feel where they are concerned, having lived with them for so long in Solitude. I have no idea what they think or feel. Or want. Or need. (I asked. She said "nothing." With my Mom nothing might mean nothing, or it might mean "I want you to know already," or it might mean "I don't want to trouble you," or all of the above, or maybe even she doesn't know. In any case, she said "nothing.") I'm going to have to tell Frances about Lexi before my nephew's birthday party on Saturday. She'll be looking for her. And I'm going to have to tell her about her grandfather, in terms a four (and-a-half) year old can understand. I'm not used to thinking of either of them as mortal, at least not in the ordinary way. I'm diabetic, there's a fair statistical chance that they both will outlive me. They've both been in disgustingly good health all the way along (unlike their daughter) and I always just assumed they'd be there when I was gone. Now I remember that my Dad's father died of a heart attack, when he wasn't much older than my Dad is now. It's all a whole lot more complicated than it should be. I wish I could just be worried and scared and sad, and not confused and exasperated too. Posted by Andrea at July 22, 2008 6:56 PM under Me EMAIL this entry (comments fields are below this section) Comments I'm sorry to hear your news. Posted by: Jen at July 22, 2008 8:24 PM
{{{Andrea}}} Posted by: Madeleine at July 22, 2008 8:49 PM
Oh, dear. I"m so sorry. I hope your dad makes a speedy recovery and enjoys lots of good and even improved health afterwards. ((hugs)) Posted by: Sara at July 22, 2008 10:49 PM
I was so sad to read your news. I hope you're all ok & that your dad is feeling a lot better soon. Posted by: Freakazojd at July 23, 2008 2:07 AM
Wow, that's a lot of news to hear so far after the fact. Thinking of you... Posted by: cinnamon gurl at July 23, 2008 12:17 PM
Wow. I think (and I hope you don't take this as criticism, just an observation) that your family is perhaps as weird/messed-up/unpredictable/hardtofigureout as Hubby's family. Medical stuff happens to his mom all the time and we're either told weeks after the fact or told about it and then told, "but don't tell anyone." You've stumped me. I don't know what to suggest. Maybe just be completely and utterly honest with your mom (in an email maybe, 'cause that way you can get it all out the way you want it) and tell her that you have no idea what the right thing to do might be but that you'd like to help in any way she'll let you??? Or, go over and just let Frances be herself and cheer everybody up??? Posted by: Kia at July 23, 2008 8:24 PM
Hugs for you. Bring dinner to your mom. Even though she doesn't deserve it. And don't you start feeling responsible and shit. Okay? Posted by: Liz at July 23, 2008 11:34 PM
I'm sorry to hear about all of this. I hope your Dad is okay. Posted by: Chris (mombie) at July 24, 2008 6:20 AM
Andrea, I'm sorry to hear about this. Coming from a similarly dysfunctional family, my best suggestion is to simply tell your parents that you are sorry and would like to help, then tell them that in order to make sure you're doing what they want, you would appreciate if they could tell you what they need from you. Perhaps give them an out by saving "even if what you want is to be allowed to deal with this on your own." One of the most difficult things about my own family is that my feelings about these things are never simple sadness, anger or fear; it's always confused with something else and it sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Posted by: Morrigan at July 24, 2008 9:07 AM
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Change is God (Octavia Butler, Parable Series) "What is more mortifying than to feel you've missed the Plum for want of courage to shake the Tree?" Logan Pearsall Smith Email Frances! frances AT athenadreaming DOT org You can email her mother too (that's me):
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